Promises to Keep
by poe1911
Summary: Some promises are too important to let go
1. I have promises to keep

PROMISES TO KEEP

Buffy Summers was happy; and anyone that had known her in the last few years knew that this was a big thing for her. It wasn't the unexpected 'I just won a billion dollars in the lottery' kind of happy, nor was it the 'my boyfriend has an eight inch prehensile tongue' kind of happy; it was something that was simpler and at the same time rarer. Buffy woke up in a good mood, she went to a job that she enjoyed and worked with people that she liked and that liked her, she came home and spent time with her sister or went out on the town with her boyfriend and then went to bed in a good mood. Nowhere did she deal with Demons, the Undead or the world ending. There were no spectacular highs and no crushing lows; in fact the lows were few and far between. I guess the best way to put it was that she was content with her life.

Arriving at this state had not been easy; it had cost her a lot, and was costing her to this day. Mostly it cost her her friends, but it had also cost her the respect of her peers and to a degree her self respect as well. But she knew that it had been necessary. If she had not gotten away from slaying and the supernatural then she would have gone insane. Even know she knew that her first few weeks in Rome had been kind of touch and go there and that Dawn had been constantly worried about her. But two years later, that was past. She had detoxed her life, and worked to find the person that she had been in high school. The person that could both slay and be happy; it had taken two years and a lot of introspection but she had done it.

In a weird way she thought that her job had been a big part of her recovery. Buffy Summers, High School Counselor; who would have guessed that. When she had arrived in Rome and enrolled Dawn in the English speaking school there, she had noticed the paper on the bulletin board advertising the position. On a whim she had applied, and with a little help from Willow, she was in. Connecting with teenagers, allowing their problems and worries to take her back to what she had felt and thought at the time; and helping them resolve their situations had enabled her to deal with her situations as well. Slowly she had pulled herself out of the dark place she had been in until now, when she finally felt like Buffy again, when she finally felt like living in a slayers world again.

Actually she felt like slaying right now, but she couldn't because what she wanted to slay was not technically a monster. It was Dawn's nineteenth birthday and some of her friends from college were currently having a party in the Summers' apartment, a rather loud and drunken affair. Buffy honestly did like a couple of Dawn's friends, but most of them reminded her too much of the Cordettes. Heck Amelia had Harmony's screech down pat. Buffy just closed her eyes at a particularly loud barrage of laughter and then tried to get back into the quasi-smutty Harlequin romance she was reading. She started reading again and was soon lost in the incredibly predictable tale of a young, single nurse and the handsome but moody doctor she worked for. It was just getting to the good stuff when her phone rang. She glared at it a second, but knew that Dawn wasn't going to pick it up so she dog eared the page and put her book down and picked up the receiver in one smooth motion.

"Hello"

"Buffy"

"Giles, what's the matter?"

"How do you know that something is wrong?"

"You called yesterday to wish Dawn a happy birthday and all, so all of the social pleasantries are out of the way for a week, so that leaves trouble."

"Yes, quite" Giles replied and in her mind Buffy could see him pinching the bridge of his nose in exasperation.

"So what's up Giles, spill."

"Well it's rather awkward, but I was wondering if you had seen Xander this evening?"

Buffy froze, her mind suddenly awhirl with thoughts that she couldn't have controlled if she had wanted to. After all of her introspection and healing she had come to the unpalatable conclusion that there were two people that she had royally screwed over during her life on the hellmouth. One was Faith, and the other was Xander. She had made her peace with Faith several months ago, taking time off of work and going to see the brunette slayer. It hadn't been easy, but the results had been worth it. They would probably never be truly close, but they were now friends. Xander though, despite everything Buffy wanted and needed to say to the young man, she just couldn't muster up enough courage to face him. She was actually thinking of looking him up over the summer and spending some time with him in Africa, but she was still afraid he would dismiss her on sight. A course of action on his part that she felt would not only be likely, but justified as well. All of this flashed through her mind in microseconds and she focused back on the conversation. "No, why would I have seen him; why isn't he still in Africa?"

"Well apparently he was, but then he left the hospital unexpectedly without notifying his support staff or his slayers. All they found was a note that said he had to keep a promise."

"Hospital" Buffy said "why was he in the hospital."

"One of his newer slayers was in trouble fighting a demon; Xander distracted the demon until she recovered enough to slay it."

"By getting pummeled."

"Quite likely. I was told that his injuries were extensive but not life threatening."

"So why do you think he'd come here."

"I'm not sure if you'd recall, but four years ago. . . . . ."

Buffy understood "Anya and Spike, I remember. So you think the promise he's talking about has to do with going after Spike?"

"I believe so, yes. And if he is looking for Spike. . . . ."

"He'd expect me to know where he is."

"Exactly, hence he would turn up at your flat."

"Sorry to disappoint Giles, but there's no Xander here, just a bunch of drunken college girls."

"Yes well, my sympathies for that, but do keep an eye out Buffy."

"I will Giles, take care and thanks for the heads up."

"Of course, goodbye."

"Bye Giles" Buffy said and hung up the phone. She glanced at her book for an instant, but the urge to read was long gone. Her mind was now filled with thoughts of her oldest guy friend and all that had happened to them in the last nine years. She wondered yet again what her life would have been like if she had said yes to him back in her Sophomore year. Would things have gone differently, or would her life have flaked out pretty much the way it had. She was sitting there lost in 'what if' when she heard a knock at the door. She wasn't expecting anyone else for Dawn's party and The Immortal was out of town on business. Picking up her favorite dagger she checked the peephole. Once she realized who it was she tore open the door and engulfed her visitor in a hug.

"Uhhh Buffy, I'm happy to see you too, but oxygen's becoming an issue and I don't want you to pop any of the stitches" Xander managed to gasp out.

Buffy immediately released her hold and eased back so she could look up into the face of her friend "sorry Xander, I knew you'd been in the hospital, but I was just so happy to see you that I forgot, you're OK aren't you?"

"Yeah" Xander said "no harm no foul. So Giles already called here looking for me?"

"Yeah, the folks in Africa are a little worried."

"Sorry about that; you mind if I use your phone and assure them of my continued existence?"

"Nah, mi casa es su casa" Buffy said with a smile and waved the young man in. Africa had been good to him she noted idly, he was assured and confident and moved with a grace that he had not seemed to possess back in Sunnydale. The deep tan, the confident attitude and the muscular build all made him prime eye candy, and the eyepatch gave him a touch of mystery and danger that Buffy was sure other women found irresistible. She watched as he dialed the phone. Soon he was in an animated conversation with a man named Peter who apparently was an apprentice watcher then there was a pause and Xander assumed a hang-dog expression as Buffy heard Xander receiving a tongue lashing from a young woman; Buffy could only assume this was one of his current slayers. Finally he spoke "no you don't need to follow me here, I'll be fine."

"……."

"I know I should have said something, but it's something personal."

"……"

"I'll be back tomorrow or the day after at the latest; Peter can take care of things until then."

"………"

"No he isn't, and don't say anything like that to him, he's doing his best."

"………"

"I know you do, and I appreciate it, but I'll be fine and I'll see you soon."

"…………"

"You too, bye." He hung up the phone and turned to Buffy and flashed a grin "sorry about that, overprotective slayer."

"Not a problem, I'm familiar with the symptoms. So what brings you to Rome?"

"A promise I made a few years ago, I don't expect anything to come of it but I always do my best to keep my promises."

Buffy looked nervous but asked anyway "does this have anything to do with Spike and Anya?"

Xander looked surprised for a moment but answered "no, I made peace with Anya before . . . . . ."

"Before the battle with the First" Buffy finished.

"Yeah" Xander said "no this is a promise I made a year before that, to your sister."

"Dawn, you checked yourself out of the hospital and flew up here from South Africa because of a promise you made Dawn back when she was fourteen?"

"Yeah, well like I said I do my best to keep my promises."

"Well she's in her room right now, but I've got to warn you . . ." another loud blast of laughter came from deeper in the apartment "she's got a bunch of friends with her."

"Friends" Xander asked, noting the less than pleasant tone Buffy had used.

"Some of them remind me of Cordelia's sheep" Buffy said with a rueful grin.

"Ahh" Xander said, understanding dawning on his face "well I'll try and steer clear of them" and headed towards the sound of laughter and pop music.

Buffy watched him go, intrigued at what kind of promise he had made her younger sister. She knew that Xander always did his best to keep any promise that he'd made, but checking himself out of a hospital and flying to another continent was a bit above and beyond, even for him. She marveled again as she watched him walk, the man he was bore so little resemblance to the gawky fifteen year old that she had met all those years ago, and yet the boy that he had been formed an unbreachable core of goodness inside him that dimmed from time to time but never went out. She saw him move fluidly through the gaggle of young women until he was standing right in front of a still oblivious Dawn. He paused, waiting for her to notice him, but she was too involved with her current conversation. Finally after he cleared his throat the second time, she turned and realized who was there "Xander" she shrieked and threw herself into his arms. Buffy saw a small wince of pain cross his face, but the dominant emotion was joy. He moved back just a bit and studied her face for a moment, Buffy noticed that he seemed to be steeling himself for something; she realized that whatever this promise was, it was serious.

"Hey there Dawn-star, how you doing?"

"I'm great, did you bring me a lion or something" she asked, a bit of the booze showing.

"No, nothing like that" he said, then continued quietly "do you remember your fourteenth birthday?"

Dawn nodded, but Buffy could see that she really hadn't heard the question.

"I made a promise to you that day, and now I'm here to keep that promise."

Dawn gave a confused little smile, but then the confusion grew as Xander kneeled down in front of her. Finally Buffy could see realization blooming in her sister's eyes, Xander had Dawn's attention now; for her part Buffy knew what was coming and she was shocked to find that at that moment she was more jealous of her sister than she had ever been of anyone in her entire life.

Buffy saw Xander take Dawn's hand and ask "Dawn Summers, will you marry me?"

It seemed to Buffy that the entire world was silent for a moment, as though even the gods themselves were awaiting her sister's answer. But as the silence stretched out Buffy started to get a bad feeling that grew as the silence became longer and longer. Finally Dawn broke the silence by giggling, not her usual laugh but a choppy sounding thing, like someone bouncing a violin bow on the high strings. The laugh went on too long, then Dawn turned to her friends and said "see what I mean, why is it that only the geeks and losers seem to have any idea what romance is" and then burst out laughing again. They quickly resumed their previous conversation, Xander's presence no longer registering with any of the young ladies.

Buffy saw the light in Xander's eyes dim, and then his face turned stony, as though a mask were sliding from his forehead down as Dawn's sheep joined in her laughter.

Buffy felt as though she was split into two people, one was still staring incredulously at her idiot of a sister, not believing what she had just seen; the other was focused with laser-like intensity on her best male friend, trying to figure out what he was feeling and how she could help. The look on his face, unfortunately was one she recognized; she had seen the exact same look on his face when she had said "no" when he had asked her out to the spring fling all those years ago. She realized that she was still standing there with a stunned look on her face as Xander ghosted past her and eased out the door. Buffy continued to stare a second longer, then shook herself and for the first time in years she turned her back on her sister; a friend needed her help and this time she promised herself that she wouldn't let him down.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

She caught up with him quickly enough, Slayer speed and all; but catching up to Xander was the easy part, now she had to figure out how to get him to actually listen without tying him up or pissing him off even more than he already was. She walked along next to him for a moment, trying to work out what to do. Being who and what she was, Buffy opted for the direct approach. She sped up and turned to face him and said "Xander, stop for a moment, please" and to her amazement, he stopped. This was such an unexpected turn of events that Buffy couldn't settle her thoughts, a small part of her wanted to just comfort Xander for what had just happened, but mostly she wanted to just talk to him, to say the things that she should have said years ago. But now that her opportunity was here she just couldn't seem to focus, she tried to start several times but just succeeded in standing there looking like a landed trout with her mouth opening and closing. Her whirl of thoughts were interrupted by Xander, he had been looking at her with that same stony mask that had dropped over his face when Dawn started laughing, now he just muttered "I guess it serves me right, I should have remembered what happens when I put my heart on the line with a Summers woman."

Those words, quietly delivered, hit Buffy like a rusty knife in the guts. What hurt the most, though, was the accuracy behind them. Every time Xander had put his heart on the line for Buffy, she had trampled it, sometimes knowingly, and had never apologized for it; and now Dawn had done the exact same thing. 'I guess those monks really did make her out of me' flitted through the slayer's head. One other thing Xander's words had done though, was to clear the slayer's mind, like slapping someone who's hysterical. "Please Xander" she said "I just want to talk to you for a little, not about what happened back there" she twitched her head in the direction of the apartment. "It's just that there's some things that I need to say and that I think you need to hear, that's all"

She stepped back a little and looked at his face, and for an instant it was as though she was still infected with the 'aspect of the demon' because she could tell exactly what he was thinking. "I promise, it has nothing to do with your job in Africa or keeping you 'fray adjacent' or anything like that" she blurted out quickly, trying to head his anger off before it went nuclear.

Buffy could see him fighting it down, his pain and humiliation warring with the fact that he would do anything for one of his girls. He seemed to come to a decision and looked her square in the eyes, his one eye, normally warm and happy, was now cold as the Arctic.

"OK Buff, I'll sit down for a little chat if you answer one question."

"Sure Xander, anything."

"Back when Sunnydale was about to do its crater impression, why did you try to send me and Dawn away?"

Not expecting the question, it took Buffy a second or two to shift her mental gears. When she did, she did the last thing Xander expected and told him the complete truth. "Because I would have stopped if you both were killed."

"HUH"

"You and Dawn were my 'Achilles heels', seriously; I might have gone on if one of you were still alive, but if both of you had been killed, I would have just stopped fighting, caring, everything. I won't even tell you how close it came after Caleb. . . . ." her voice faded out as she gestured at his eye. "You two were my reason why, you were a constant reminder of why I chose to be the slayer, of why what I did was important. I tried to send the two of you away because without the two of you there, I wouldn't have to worry about the big gap in my armor." She looked thoughtful for a moment "and maybe that's how the whole 'fray-adjacent' thing started; maybe I recognized this somehow but wasn't willing to admit it to myself. That would explain why I was so hot to keep you out of the fight, but didn't take the same attitude with Oz or Cordelia."

Buffy could tell that Xander hadn't expected that answer or the level of candor she had exhibited; again, just for an instant, she could read him and could see that he was re-thinking a lot of things at the moment. Finally he turned back to her, his eye was once again warm and happy and a smile lit his face and she felt better than she had in years. "Tell you what Buff, my flight doesn't leave for a couple of hours, how about we find a quiet place, you buy me whatever passes for coffee here in Rome and we can have a talk."

Smiling, Buffy slipped her arm through his and said "that sounds like a plan to me"; and together they moved off into the night.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

They talked as they strolled, about safe subjects like the weather and life in Africa and Rome. They soon found a 24 hour café that Buffy was fond of and sat at a table off to the side. A waitress came over and tried to take their orders, but it was slow going because she didn't speak English and Xander didn't speak Italian and Buffy was still laughing over Xander's story of his jeeps encounter with an amorous Rhinoceros. She finally calmed down enough to order a couple of espressos and then turned the conversation to a more serious subject.

Buffy leaned forward and took Xander's hand in hers "I want to explain what's been going on with me for the last two years. I'm not apologizing for it because I did what I did to get my life back together. It was a bit radical but it worked; but it was at a heavy price. To put it bluntly, I had to separate myself from every part of my life as a slayer, I had to walk away from patrolling, from the man I think of as my father, and most of all; my friends. I had to find the person I used to be because the person I was was going insane. You saw what I was like the last two years in Sunnydale, I was impulsive, irrational, dictatorial, not to mention the fact that I willingly had sex with Spike on a regular basis; I was a mess. So when I got the chance I found the European city that had the least amount of supernatural activity and told Giles to move me there. That's how I ended up in Rome with Dawn. It was tough going at first because I really had to re-learn how to be a normal human being again, and I know Dawn was worried a lot. But I was slowly getting better; then I started going out with the Immortal; and before you start, he's fun and there aren't any strings, no pressure, just having a good time. It's been a long time since I've just had fun. So I was having fun and getting better, but I wasn't feeling useful or anything; then I found a job as a high school counselor and yes I know what you're thinking so stop. Helping these kids work through their issues helped me with mine. So now I wake up in a good mood, and I go to sleep in a good mood and I don't worry about the world ending or anything like that and I'm pretty close to being a hopefully more mature version of the girl you met as a sophomore in high school. I know it hurt you because I wouldn't talk to you, or come to you with my problems but I was doing what I thought I had to do; I am sorry that it caused you pain, but now you know why the last two years have been the way they have."

Xander sat back and looked at the diminutive blond across from him, he really looked at her. She was different from the girl she had been when he saw her last, it was something in the way she carried herself, a bounce in her walk or something like that; and she smiled, a lot. It was a genuine smile and not the forced thing that he was familiar with. "I understand Buff, I'll admit to being a bit sore at the fact you didn't come to us or talk to us, but I can't argue with the results; you look great."

His words and the intensity of his gaze made Buffy blush "thank you Xander" she said. "But now that explanations are out of the way, I've got some serious apologizing to do."

"For what?"

"In getting my head out of my ass, I had to look back at the last few years and one theme kept coming up; and that was how much I'd used you."

She could see him starting to protest and she raised her hand to cut him off "from our senior year on I treated you like a convenience; I knew you'd always be there so I didn't give you any time or attention. Even while I was trying to push you away I knew you'd still be around, and because of that I never thanked you or showed you the appreciation you'd earned. It's like when you have a bicycle and one wheel squeaks. You pay attention to the wheel that's giving you trouble and ignore the one that's working. And because you were so constant, I ignored you. I used you when the house was destroyed and you fixed it over and over, again without any thanks from me. After I went to college I'd call you up when there was an apocalypse or some big bad and ignore you otherwise. And in return you were always there, with a joke or a smile or the truth when I needed it. You know that night in the Bronze when you told me I was your hero, I can't tell you how much that meant to me or how many times I thought about that when I was scared. I used you and all along you're the best friend I've ever had." She could see that he was surprised at this statement.

"Not Willow?"

Buffy thought for a second "no, somewhere between the fluke and Oz leaving, Willow changed towards me. She stopped being a friend and started being a sheep." Buffy looked up at Xander "a friend will hold your hand, but also kick your ass when you need it; Willow stopped being that way."

"It was during that first couple of weeks of college" Xander said with certainty.

"What happened, and how do you know?"

"I know because I know Willow, but early on she branched out and started living her own life, then with your whole roommate being a demon scenario, she realized how much you two were growing apart and it scared her. So she stopped being Willow and started just being 'Buffy's Friend'. That's when she changed."

"I wish I'd known" Buffy said "or that there was something I could have done".

"She made a choice Buff, you didn't make it for her so you have nothing to be sorry for."

"I know Xand, but as much as I love her now, I miss the old Willow."

"Me too"

"So like I was saying Xander, I've used you, ignored you, belittled you, chosen vampires over you time and again and even though I know I don't deserve it I'm asking, no begging your forgiveness." Buffy paused a moment, then continued quietly "but I'll understand if you can't give it."

Xander looked at his friend for a moment, all of the times he had been emotional debris on the Buffy highway flickered through his mind in a second and were then dismissed; because when it came right down to it Buffy was someone he cared deeply for, someone he believed in and someone who had saved his butt a bunch of times and that carried a lot of weight in the whole forgiveness category. Not to mention that she was still one of his girls.

Leaning forward Xander looked into her eyes and said "of course I forgive you Buff, your friendship is one of the most valuable things in my life and I'm not giving it up easily."

There were no words for the blaze of joy that shot through her heart when Xander forgave her, she felt as though a weight the size of the Himalayas had been taken from her heart. "How do you do that" she asked "how do you manage to have so much compassion in your heart?"

"It isn't compassion, it's honesty" he answered. "I'm no saint Buff; there are things that I've done, things that I've said that certainly didn't help matters. The way I acted around Angel, the way I held you responsible for things that you had no control over. No Buffy it's honesty, because how could I forgive myself if I can't forgive you. And this completely ignores the fact that you've dealt with more badness in your life than I could imagine."

Buffy looked at the man sitting across from her and realized yet again what an incredible person Xander was, how he had more generosity in his heart than anyone else she had ever met. At that moment the silently thanked whoever, be it God, the Powers that Be, Allah, Gaia or the Great Pumpkin that had put Xander in her life and allowed her the privilege to call him friend. But now that the serious portion of the talk was over, she had to ask "can I see it"?

"See what"?

"The ring; I know you Xander, you plan for everything, so I know that if you came here to propose you'd have a ring with you. Can I see it?"

Reluctantly Xander reached into one of the pockets of his cargo pants and pulled out a rather battered ring box and placed it on the table in front of him and opened the lid, the look on his face making it clear that he wasn't thrilled with the current turn of events.

For her part Buffy was speechless, but then a two and a half carat ice blue diamond tends to have that kind of effect on most women. The setting was gold and fairly basic, but the stone was magnificent. "Xander, how could you afford. . . . ."

"You gotta remember where I'm based Buff, Africa is where these little things come from and the economics down there are way different; on most of the continent you can get for five bucks what would cost a hundred up here. So despite the way it looks, the ring really didn't cost all that much." Saying that, he swiftly closed the box and put it back in his pocket.

Buffy saw the brief flicker of anger and humiliation on Xander's face and decided that this was her friend and that he needed her help; so she took his hand and said "I'm sorry for how things worked out this evening Xand."

"Yeah, so am I" Xander muttered as he looked away.

"Poor Dawnie" Buffy said "she'll kick herself for the rest of her life over this."

"You think so?"

Buffy laughed "we're talking about the girl that signs her name 'Mrs. Dawn Harris' half the time. She's more or less had a crush on you since the first time you met; so when she realizes that you offered her everything she could possibly want and she said 'no', she'll freak."

"So you think I'd have more luck tomorrow?"

"Once she's sober, yeah you'd have all the luck you want; but you'd never ask her again."

"You don't think so?"

"No, I know so."

"Why not?"

"Because I know you Xander, maybe not on the same level that Willow does but I know you; you'll forgive Dawn soon enough, but you'll never forget and you'll never take a chance like that again."

"How could you possibly know that?"

"Because you never asked me out again after the Spring Fling" Buffy promptly replied "you forgave me for hurting you but you never risked your heart again. And let me tell you, there were so many times I wish you would have; like the summer after Willow went bonkers, when it was just me, you and Dawn, if you would have asked me out I would so have said yes in a heartbeat."

"So why didn't you ask me out?"

"I couldn't" Buffy said, looking at the table for a moment "Dawn had kind of staked you out as her territory like Willow did the first couple of years we were together; so if I asked you out, she would have seen that as a betrayal, and I couldn't have hurt her like that. So I had to wait for you to ask me out, but I knew you never would. So I just settled for trying to seduce you all summer, but you weren't having any of that either"

"What do you mean, seduce me?"

"Xander, what was I wearing most of the time when you came over?"

"A T-shirt and panties. . . . . Ohhhh."

"So the light dawns?"

"Yeah actually it does, so the fact that Dawn was always wearing those fly-away tank tops and rolled boxers was just her way of keeping up with you?"

"Yeah, she knew I couldn't say anything about how she was dressing so she went as daring as she could."

"I can honestly say that while I did notice the wardrobe, or lack there-of, it never occurred to me that I was the reason for it. I guess most guys are pretty clueless like that."

"Generally" Buffy agreed "but you also tend to see girls as friends first, and potential dates second."

"So it kinda sounds like I'm screwed, any advice."

"God no Xander, I'm like the last person you should be asking any romantic advice from; my serious relationships all suck with a capital S."

"Do you think I should leave Dawn a note or something?"

"Nah, I'll take care of her in the morning, my question is 'are you gonna be OK'?"

Buffy could see Xander thinking a moment, actually evaluating the situation that he found himself in; finally he said "yeah, a bit of bruising but no permanent damage."

"That's good" Buffy said as she smiled, then she noticed her watch "I hate to say this but we really need to get moving if you're gonna make your flight."

As they got up, Buffy dropped a couple of Euros on the table to cover the bill and the two friends headed out into the Roman night. Despite the hour they soon flagged down a cab, after that Xander had empirical proof that Buffy was not the worst driver he had ever known. They arrived at Leonardo DaVinci airport with time to spare but Buffy didn't leave with the cab, electing instead to stay with Xander until he had to leave. They sat together in the airport, a comfortable silence about them, each lost in their own thoughts and reflections on the events of the day. They didn't really need to say anything to each other because all that was necessary had been said, but Buffy was thinking that she should say something else, an emotional coda for the evening but nothing was coming to her. Finally they announced that Xander's flight was boarding; the two friends stood and faced each other, and finally Buffy knew what should be said.

"Xander, I've met a lot of people in my life, some good some evil, the powerful and the powerless, geniuses and fools and out of all of those people you are the one I admire most. Dawn once told me that you called her extraordinary and I agree, but if you ask me it was just a case of like recognizing like because I don't think there's a better word to describe you. You are an extraordinary person Xander Harris, and I want you to know that you're my hero."

Xander was stunned by what Buffy had just said to him and there was no way he could process it right now, so he just hugged her close and kissed the top of her head and said "thanks Buff, you stay safe now".

"I will Xander; you do the same, promise me."

"I promise, see ya around Buff."

"Bye Xander" she replied; and with that they let each other go and Xander was on his way back to Africa. Buffy watched till even her slayer's eyesight could see him no more, then she turned and started towards the taxis; she needed to get back to her apartment and take out the trash.


	2. and miles to go

AND MILES TO GO

SLAYER CENTRAL, AFRICA

Buffy got out of the rental car and looked around, wondering where he was and hoping he wasn't off on another slayer hunt. It had been six long months since she'd seen him. They had exchanged letters and postcards and the odd e-mail or two and they had phoned at least once a week, they were re-building the friendship that they had once had but there were times she wished she could see him face to face. She missed that more than she would care to admit. So here she was in Africa, to see him, to ask him for his help, despite the fact that he had given so much. She was here to ask for more, because he was the only one that could do what needed to be done, and because she trusted him. She held up the letter to shade her eyes, to see where he was. She reflected on the letter for a moment, it was from Dawn. In it she begged for his forgiveness and understanding. Buffy knew she would get those, but she also knew that Dawn would never be on the receiving end of that particular question again, at least not coming from Alexander L Harris. Buffy remembered that morning with an almost brutal clarity; after all it was not every day you had to tell someone that they had just destroyed their own fondest dream.

ROME, THE MORNING AFTER

Buffy was in the middle of fixing breakfast when she first heard movement coming from Dawn's room. The night before Buffy had come home to find Dawn passed out and the other girls in various states of intoxication. She cleared out le regazze (young women) and put Dawn to bed, leaving a bottle of aspirin and a bottle of water by her bed and then went to sleep herself.

As expected, Dawn came stumbling into the kitchen a few minutes later, yawning and looking grumpy.

"Where are my friends?"

"I sent them home last night."

"Why"

"I didn't think you'd want them around this morning."

"Why not, they've seen me drunk before."

"Drunk has nothing to do with it Dawn" Buffy said, turning to her sister "do you remember your fourteenth birthday?"

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"Just answer the question, do you remember it?"

"A bit I guess, Mom got me socks like always and I remember you getting me a jacket I think."

"Anything else?"

"Yeah actually there was, I was feeling a little down because Mark Davis wouldn't talk to me or anything, so Xander took me aside and talked to me for a while, if I hadn't been crushing on him before, I know I was after that."

"And so you all just talked?"

"I guess, sometime in there he said something about if I was still single in five years he'd ask me to marry him, that way I'd always have a fallback plan if I never found a boyfriend."

"What do you remember about Xander and promises" Buffy asked.

"That he always keeps them" Dawn answered slowly, realizing that something was up "what's with the twenty questions Buffy?"

"You're the one in college; you should be able to figure it out" Buffy snarked at her and went back to finishing her breakfast while Dawn struggled to get her sluggish brain to work."

"Was Xander here last night" Dawn finally asked, trepidation in her voice.

Buffy just nodded.

"He flew all the way up here from Africa for my birthday?"

Again Buffy just nodded.

Dawn's eyes were darting around the room, looking for some evidence that Xander had been there. Finding none, she asked "is he still here"?

"No, he flew back last night."

"Why didn't he stay?"

"He didn't want to."

"Did he bring a present?"

Buffy nodded yet again.

"Did he ask me a question" Dawn asked a tremor in her voice.

And once again Buffy just nodded.

Suddenly, despite her hangover, Dawn was standing and yelling in rage "how could you Buffy, a guy I've cared about since I've been real asked me to marry him and you threw him out."

Just as suddenly Dawn found Buffy right in her face, the slayer's face had that stony set to it that she got when she was super angry but holding it back. "I didn't throw him out Dawn; he left of his own free will after. . . . ."

"After what" Dawn yelled.

Buffy just stood there, maintaining her silence.

"After what" Dawn said again, her voice barely audible, and then she realized the truth of the situation. "I said 'no', didn't I?"

"Actually you said 'why is it that only losers and geeks have any idea what romance is' then you ignored him."

Dawn slowly sank back into her seat; her head shaking in denial at the same time tears were coursing down her cheeks with the realization that her sister was telling her the complete truth.

Buffy came over and took her sister in her arms "I'm sorry Dawn, I truly am; but you know Xander, he's probably already forgiven you, but I doubt he'll ever forget."

"And he'll never ask me again, will he?"

"Not likely, you get one chance to burn him and that's it. I know that from experience."

"He never asked you out again, did he?"

"No he never did" Buffy answered "that summer when we tried to out tramp each other I wished he would on a constant basis, but he never did."

"So I've got to move on."

"Yeah ya do Dawnie" Buffy said as her sister dissolved into tears. Buffy sat there holding Dawn and thinking of her own missed opportunities until the younger girl cried herself out.

BACK TO THE PRESENT

"Can I help you" Buffy heard.

She turned to see a young woman, no young slayer; looking at her rather intently. "I'm looking for Xander" Buffy replied.

"Mr. Alex is training the young ones down in the dojo" the slayer replied "it is the second building on the left Miss. . . . ."

"Summers, Buffy Summers" she replied to the young slayer and held out her hand.

"I am Selene; do you want me to come with you?"

"Nah, I got it" Buffy replied and headed off. She would have known where to find Xander even without the directions; all she had to do was listen for the laughter. She opened the door to find Xander being tossed around by a group of ten slayers who looked to be between 12 and 15. Silently she watched as he told them what they should do and then had each one practice on him, insuring that they got the throw right. After they all had demonstrated it adequately he yelled "OK, pair up and practice for the next fifteen minutes, then do your five miles." He stood back and watched his girls work, love and pride evident in his gaze. As he watched his slayers, Buffy watched him. It bothered her to ask Xander what she was going to ask him, but she firmly believed it was necessary and as much as they would miss him here, they needed him somewhere else.

Eventually Xander called time and the young girls headed off for their run. Looking around Xander slowly walked over to Buffy "so what brings you to the dark continent?"

"A couple of things actually, first I've got to give you this or I'll never hear the end of it. Dawn really is sorry for what she said that night; I know it's not easy, but your forgiveness would mean a lot to her."

"And the other thing" Xander asked, pocketing the letter without comment.

Buffy took a deep breath "I need a watcher".

"For who?"

"For me."

"What about Giles?"

"Giles is head of the council; he doesn't have time to be a field watcher."

"Buffy, I'm flattered really, but Rome isn't . . . . ." Xander got no further as Buffy cut him off.

"I'm not going to be stationed in Rome anymore."

"Where are you going then?"

"Cleveland" Buffy replied "I guess I'm just a Hellmouth girl at heart."

"So what's the sitch?"

"Huh"

"I've gotta believe that there's more going on than just you need a watcher cause you're getting back in the game."

"Before I tell ya I gotta know Xand; my watcher, in or out?" Her tone softened a bit "Xand, I know you love it here and you're doing great work, but I wouldn't be asking if it wasn't important; I need you on this."

Xander looked at the petite blond for a moment or two, questions running through his mind like who would take over here, what about Dawn, and was Buffy coming out of retirement for a specific reason; but in the end the matter simply boiled down to the fact that one of his girls needed his help. "OK Buff, you got yourself a watcher, now what's the dire."

Buffy smiled and let out the breath she'd been holding "thanks Xander, as to what's going on; I can sum it up in one word, Robin."

"What's he doing?"

"Cleveland is a mess and he seems more concerned with council politics than keeping a lid on the Hellmouth. Giles called him on it the other day and he replied 'no one in another country can tell an American what to do on American soil'."

"It sounds like he's threatening the council if they don't let him play the game his way by his rules." Xander thought for a second or two "what about Faith."

"She left him about six months ago, that's when things started to spiral down quickly."

"Did she say why?"

"Not really, Faith and me aren't much for the girl talk. All I've heard are rumors and they all say that he's gotten wiggier the longer he's been in Cleveland. My guess is he can't handle the pressure."

Xander thought some more "so you and I are gonna take over Cleveland because we're American and loyal to Giles, right."

"That's the plan."

"What are we gonna do with Robin, take extreme measures" Xander asked nervously.

"Giles said that that's up to us, what do you think?"

The question threw Xander for a moment, Buffy was actually asking his opinion, not trying to tell him what to do; it was unusual to say the least. "Why me" he asked.

"Huh"

"Come on Buff, there's dozens of watcher's that are from the US that would follow Giles lead, so I'm wondering why you want me."

Buffy's face bloomed red, the blush appearing as if by magic "well, because you're the most experienced field guy working for the council; I mean I don't know if you're up on the gossip and all but what you've done here Xander' people are using words like legendary and stuff. There isn't a watcher out there that isn't compared to you, especially after talking to one of your newbies. Not to mention you already have authentic Hellmouth experience."

"Accept no substitutes."

"I won't. You are a very good strategic thinker, and that's gonna be needed for this situation. I can adapt a plan on the fly pretty well, but I can't make a good plan, my stint as 'General Buffy' showed that a couple of years ago. That's a weakness of mine and I'm counting on you to cover it for me."

"So does that mean you'll be serving under me" Xander asked with a waggle of his eyebrows.

"No you goof" Buffy said as she smacked him in the arm then laughed as he made the exaggerated yelping noises and comments about slayer strength. "We'll be a team, so you'll be under me at least half the time" Buffy replied with an eyebrow waggle of her own. She then proceeded to ignore his comment of 'that can be fun too'. "Another thing is the fact that I know and trust you, things are too dire to go in with a watcher that I don't fully trust from the get go. Finally I know you'd do anything to keep the girls safe, including things that I could never even think about. I can be pretty mean when I want to be, but there are lines that I just can't cross, for several reasons. You can cross them when its necessary and I trust you enough to know that you won't come to like what you do at those times. I believe in you enough to think that you can do things that I can't and still remain essentially Xander."

Nodding at her answers; and blushing a bit at her praise, Xander went back to pacing for a minute or two. Finally he nodded to himself and looked up "first thing you do is call Faith, find out exactly what she thinks is up with Robin and which of the Cleveland slayers are likely to be loyal to him. Once we know that we know how many new slayers we'll have to bring in with us. Have him transferred here and arrange for some slayers that don't know him to be transferred here to make up for the ones we'll be taking with us. Make sure they're as senior as possible, but no one that was in Sunnyhell with us. Transfer the slayers that Faith thinks might cause problems back to England. That way Giles can keep his eye on em."

"Anything else?"

"Yeah have Giles also draft a letter firing Robin in addition to the transfer, if he won't go then we'll cut him loose."

"And what if he decides to make trouble?"

"Then I'll be forced to do one of those things you can't think about. You see it's all about power, that was one you nailed when you were talking to those Council jerks. And slayers are the living embodiment of power. If you all become public knowledge then the government will try to get you to do things for them, and force you if you won't cooperate. Not to mention that some will go the 'Initiative' route and see if they can dissect a slayer and see what makes her special or breed supersoldiers or some other crazy crap. Eventually you'll have to hide, go underground just to survive; and as far as I'm concerned that just isn't an option. So if the cost of these girls leading a fairly normal life is that Robin suffers a 45 caliber brain hemorrhage, then it's a price I'm willing to pay."

Buffy found herself hugging her Xander shaped friend, while remembering to moderate her slayer strength; she backed off a bit and looked up into his eye "and that's exactly why I need you for this and trust you to be my watcher."

"Why, because I'm willing to kill" his tone edging towards anger.

"No" she replied "because you would do anything to keep any slayer safe and you'd do it without a second thought."

Mollified, Xander returned to the very pleasurable pastime of hugging Buffy. After a moment or two he turned her loose and when she saw his face she realized that 'Xander in Chief' was now in the building. "OK Buff, you get on the horn and talk to Faith and Giles while I get this place prepped for a change of command."

"Aye-Aye sir" Buffy replied, snapping off a salute. For the first time since she'd decided on this course of action she felt good; Xander was with her and the problem would be handled, end of story. She knew it could get a little messy, but in the end it would be handled, she had promised Giles after all.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Buffy couldn't believe how tired she was, and this had been a good day; well good in the fact that there had been no deaths and only a couple of injuries. Ever since she and Xander had arrived it just seemed like there was one crisis after another and that was draining and taxing, but it was also wonderful. In her entire life, Buffy had never felt so needed, so vital. She was helping the girls cope with life as a slayer, teaching them to work better as a team and leading by example when it came to the nasty work. She didn't remember Sunnydale being this bad, but when she was living in Sunnydale she had been a teenager, and teenagers could repress very well, not to mention the fact that Sunnydale was a much smaller city than Cleveland. Idly Buffy wondered if the constant action was what had finally gotten to Wood. That thought took her back to when she and Xander had shown up on the Cleveland doorstep with three of Xander's African slayers in tow.

Buffy had thought they'd planned for every possibility from grudging acceptance to outright defiance; but they weren't ready for what happened. She and Xander had walked into Robin's office and tersely explained to him that he was being relieved and the man had broken down into tears of gratitude. He told them that he had felt overwhelmed for some time, and that these feelings had caused the erratic behavior that had driven Faith away. When Buffy asked why he hadn't said anything Robin said that he was the son of a slayer and had been raised by a watcher, if anyone should have been able to handle the pressure it should have been him; so in the end his pride had prevented his asking for help. This was something Buffy understood so she sent Xander to meet the girls and get the layout of the house and all of the other relevant details together while she talked to Robin. After a couple of hours, and some not so flattering stories of Buffy's past, the two came out of the office; both better prepared for what lay ahead. From what gossip they heard, Robin was doing an excellent job in Africa.

Since then, both Buffy and Xander had been busy beyond measure, they had training to conduct, contacts to be made and a house full of slayers to get to know; all of which were full time occupations. But things were coming, the group of three African slayers now blended seamlessly with the four that had been here when they arrived. The leadership had been augmented by the addition of Michael Travers (Quentin's surprisingly pleasant and highly competent nephew) who was also a minor league warlock. He handled teaching the slayers basic spells, sigals and ancient languages. Xander taught basic demonology, strategy and tactics. Buffy taught them to fight and work together because she remembered too well what happened when she had tried to be a lone wolf. All three of them comforted the slayers when they needed it, they held the young girls when they were homesick or feeling overwhelmed by school, they supported their slayers, doing everything they could to make their lives as normal as possible.

It had taken almost two months to get to the point where they didn't feel like they were playing catch-up ball. The word was already out on the street that the slayers had a new attitude, and a lot of things that had been ignored were now drawing lethal fire. Now was the time, Xander thought, to formally introduce themselves to the demon community. Buffy had scoped out the demon bars, all six of them, and now Buffy, Xander and their four senior slayers were about to re-assert their authority. As they approached the first place, Buffy could tell that the four slayers were nervous; they kept eyeing each other and their weapons so she decided to lighten the mood a bit.

"Now remember, just because they'll give you something to drink doesn't mean you have to drink it, this is so not the time to decide to become a boozehound."

The four junior slayers relaxed and Xander shot her a look of gratitude. It surprised her, although it shouldn't, how good a team she and Xander made. They complimented each other well, and worked flawlessly together, heck after all the years they'd been working together it was about time that happened. The other thing that surprised her was how he could change in an instant, one minute he was an amiable goof, then suddenly he was a serious customer, capable of damn near anything. It occurred to her that Xander was nearly as much of a mystery now as he was when she had met him; every time she thought she had him pinned down he revealed a facet of himself that she hadn't even guessed at.

The approached the first bar, appropriately named 'The Hellhole' and suddenly there was a bouncer in their way.

"Members only" he grunted out.

Xander walked up and in a conversational voice said "you can open that door or you can spend the next few days in the ICU; your choice."

The gorilla looked at Xander then the five girls he was with then back at Xander again "my mistake sir" he grated out and opened the door.

They went in slowly, and discovered the bar was everything its name said it was. They paused for a second or two as Xander analyzed the situation and deployed his slayers appropriately; then stepped up to the bar. "Got a sec" he called to the bartender.

The man just nodded his head in Xander's direction and finished pouring up whatever he was in the middle of, then came over. "What ya need" he mumbled out.

"Just wanted to say hi and introduce myself" Xander said "I'm Xander Harris, head Watcher here in Cleveland. How's it going?"

The man's eyes suddenly jumped to Buffy and the other girls, and then back to Xander; it was clear he was nervous. "Harris huh, thought you were still in Africa; must be some serious shit going down if the tea crowd moved a big gun here."

"Nah, just a time for some new blood here; as for serious shit, you hear anything and give us a call then we play softball when we come here, otherwise. . . . . ." He left the statement hanging, implying what would happen if word got back that information hadn't been passed on.

The bartender swallowed hard at the look in the Watcher's eye and nodded "Sure, anything serious and I'm on the phone" he agreed quickly, just wishing that the watcher and his chicks would leave soon.

"Thanks" Xander said, slipping the guy a card with their number on it; Xander then proceeded to turn to the bar's clientele and introduced himself as well.

As soon as he was done, a Vrickla demon stood up and bellowed "screw you watcher, you've got no power he. . . . ." It couldn't finish its statement due to the knife that had suddenly appeared in its throat. Disbelief was clear on the demon's face as it collapsed in a heap on the floor.

"Thanks Buff" Xander said, turning to his blond companion then he faced the bar and asked "any other comments".

Silence greeted this inquiry and the slayers and their watcher left.

In two other bars, similar scenes occurred but in the fourth one, someone decided to start a free-for-all. The brawl took on the usual form with the slayers forming a perimeter with Xander watching their backs and the demons that wanted no part of the action slipping out while the bartender just cowered and hoped that the damage to the bar wasn't total.

Things had achieved a type of stability when suddenly that stability was disrupted. Harrah, one of Xander's African slayers was fighting both a Fyarl demon and a Mrochek demon when the Fyarl caught her with a hard right fist as she was leaning the wrong way and Harrah went down.

Buffy was sure that Xander would jump in and was already compensating for his charging in when she heard two whooshes followed by two thunks and both demons had suddenly sprouted silver hatchets out of their foreheads, gifts from Xander. The Fyarl went down with the wound frothing and the Mrochek was disabled long enough for Harrah to get back into the fight.

Buffy's pause of surprise a the fact that Xander had stayed back and not thrown himself into the fight cost her a nasty hit on the forehead, but she shook it off and resumed pummeling her victim du jour. Pretty soon everything that had felt like fighting was down and dead, except the slayers of course.

Buffy and Xander were checking for nicks and wounds when suddenly Buffy felt herself being shoved and heard Xander bellowing "Down". This was followed by the sound of two quick gunshots followed closely by another shot much closer.

By the time she had regained her equilibrium Buffy could see that some vampire had waited until everyone was focused elsewhere to pull a gun and start shooting. But now all the vamp was doing was standing by a table in the back, gun pointing toward the ground, a look of surprise on its face. Buffy followed its gaze back to Xander who had thrown himself on top of the two slayers that had been in the line of fire, then the watcher had obviously pulled the rather large revolver that was in his hands and shot the vampire between the eyes. She watched as Xander slowly stood up, never taking his eye off the vamp and asked "everyone OK"?

The other four slayers said that they were fine, Buffy was about to do the same when she felt a pain in her calf; a rather intense burning sensation. She looked down to see that there was a hole in her pants, and that the lower part of her pant leg was turning red. She looked up at Xander, her eyes bulging with fear and said "I think I got shot". Saying this she unceremoniously dropped to the floor and tried to get a look at the wound without tearing her pants. Xander told the other slayers to watch the vamp gunman and his friend and came over to Buffy his eye wide with concern.

"Is it just the leg Buff?"

"Yeah, everything else seems to be fine, my shoulder's sore but that's from a Lokash that was a little too frisky."

Xander just nodded then pulled a knife and much to Buffy's dismay, slit the leg of her pants and pulled it back so he could get a look at the wound. "How is it" she asked.

"Just a graze" he answered, relief evident in his voice "you probably won't even have a mark two days from now."

"Good, then we can go shopping so you can get me a new pair of pants to replace the one's you just destroyed."

"I destroyed them, what about 'Billy the Kid' over there?"

"Well I doubt he has any money, and you're getting paid the big bucks being a watcher and all, you can afford it. Mr. Marksman there" she waved at the vamp "can't even afford a leather jacket, so I doubt he could afford to buy me a pair of pants." Xander gave her a bit of a smile, then as he looked at the vampire it seemed like his face changed, or maybe just hardened. She watched surprised as he stood and faced the bloodsucker.

Xander's shot had hit the vamp between the eyes and the .357 hollow point had blown most of the creatures brain out the back of its skull. Once they saw his face the two African slayers pulled their sisters back; they had seen things like this before and knew what was coming. The pistol in Xander's hand roared twice more, hitting the vamp in each wrist. Its left hand was torn completely off, while the right one hung limply from a bit of muscle and skin; the pistol it had been using just hit the floor and lay there. Xander took a step and his pistol rang out twice more, blowing both the vampires knees out and the creature fell to the floor.

Buffy could see that the amazing regenerative powers were already at work, repairing the hideous head wound, unfortunately it was just repaired enough that the thing could feel pain, and absolute agony was reflected in its eyes. Despite that, Buffy couldn't find it in her to feel sorry for the thing.

Xander finished walking over to the fallen vampire and its friend, one on the floor and the other still sitting at the table and looking like it would rather be anywhere else in the world at the moment. Xander fired once more into the fallen creature's groin, and said conversationally to the other vampire. "I understand that you're the bad guys and we're the good guys; you try to kill us and we try to kill you, I really understand that."

Buffy could see that Xander was reloading as he spoke, and she realized that her friend wasn't there anymore, this was Xander the Watcher. She had seen him a couple of times before, most notably when he had told Buffy he would kill her if Willow was hurt. In a way it was more frightening than when Giles let Ripper out to play, because Xander was under control, appearing more rational, his threats were calm promises and not bluster and bombast. This was the Xander she had heard about, the one that had killed every member of a Demon tribe because it had broken a promise and nearly gotten one of his slayers killed. The one that had gutted mages, dismembered slavers and annihilated any threat to his girls. The one that tales were whispered of in the dark places of the world. Buffy knew that demons were scared of her, but that they were absolutely terrified on the one-eyed Watcher; it probably would have bothered her more if Buffy hadn't had that rage aimed at her once or twice.

"But see here's the problem" Xander continued "if you all start using guns, then we're just gonna start having to use bombs and flame throwers and stuff like that and pretty soon it's gonna be nasty. So I want you to pass on a message for me, ya think you can do that?"

The other vamp just nodded, looking even more terrified than it had before.

"Good" Xander said "now pass along that if I ever see or hear about a demon pointing a gun at a watcher or a slayer" he pulled the trigger, sending a bullet into the chest of the vamp that was on the floor "then I will personally kill not only them" the gun fired again "but every member of their family" another shot "their clan" and another "their friends" and another "and anyone human or otherwise that helped" the gun fired one last time and Xander reached down into the mess that had been the vampires chest and pulled out it's undead heart. "Do I make myself clear" he asked as he pulped the heart with his bare hands and the vampire finally dusted.

Again all the other vampire could do was nod.

"Fine then, you can go" he gestured with the pistol; as the creature scurried out the back door he turned to his slayers goofy grin back on his face and laughter in his eye and asked "so back to the house for ice cream or do you want to hit one last place?"

Everyone decided that ice cream sounded pretty good right then so the six of them headed out into the Cleveland night.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

After ice cream, and everyone winding down, Buffy tried to go to sleep, but she wasn't having any luck. She got up and put a pair of sweats on, and went to find Xander. She knew that he'd be beating himself up for letting the dark part of himself out in front of the girls, so she figured it was up to her to make him see that it wasn't such a bad thing. Buffy knew that at times like this, Xander retreated to his workshop; it was a shed behind the main house that held all of Xander's tools and wood. He had made it clear that it was a Y chromosome only kind of place and while Buffy generally honored his wishes, she also knew that some times you had to break the rules.

She walked through the dark back yard and opened the shed door as quietly as she could. The place was warm and the smell of freshly worked wood was comforting 'just like Xander' Buffy thought. He was making stakes, but not ordinary ones. He had taken casts of all the slayers hands and was customizing the regular stakes so that each slayer had at least one stake that fit perfectly in her hand. It was just a very Xander thing to do.

Buffy didn't say anything; she just sat in a nearby chair and watched Xander work. She knew Xander was aware of her, he didn't miss much after all; but he just kept on working with the lathe, customizing stakes. Finally he turned the tool off and looked over at Buffy; it was obvious he was trying to determine what kind of mood she was in. It bothered Buffy a bit that he constantly seemed to expect to be yelled at or chewed out, but she knew that it was most likely a product of the way he'd been raised; she had talked to Willow a couple of times about Xander's childhood.

"I'm sorry you all had to see that" he finally said.

"I'm not" Buffy replied. She then had to bite back some very inappropriate giggles at the look of incredulity that was on his face. "Listen Xander, I won't lie to you and say that what we saw wasn't ugly; but in a weird way it was re-assuring as well. For every slayer that was there and even the ones that stayed back here it just confirms the lengths you'd go for any of us. The thing is every slayer already has an idea about that. Do you have any idea about how many requests Giles gets every month from slayers begging to have you as their permanent watcher? And that's all slayers, not just one's that have been with you before; because they've all heard the same stories that I have and I've got to tell you I'd want you as my watcher anytime, anywhere."

She could see from the expression on his face that Xander had no clue as to how he was thought of outside of Africa. "Do you remember that Justin guy that was with you for about six months"? Xander nodded. "Well he's in charge of Watcher training, and he was using you as the model of what a Watcher should be. And that's why I wanted you here. Mike is going to learn from you and then head on and show other Watchers how it's done because there is no training like Hellmouth training. And the same with the girls, we're gonna rotate the ones that were here already to different locations and they're gonna pass on the lessons they learned here as well. Then we'll keep cycling the senior slayers through here until every major station has a slayer with Hellmouth experience because there isn't any substitute for experience like that."

She could see that Xander was amazed at the passion of her outburst and the scope of what she was trying to do. After a moment or two he said "that's some plan ya got there Buff, a little ambitious but I like it. I'm just. . . . ." his voice trailed off as he blushed.

"What" Buffy shot back "you or Giles are the only one's allowed to make plans for the future. I'm doing this Xander because I'm tired; tired of slayers dieing due to poor training or lack of experience, tired of watchers who don't know how to lead or how to admit their flaws, tired of all the death and suffering and pain that comes with this gig. So if our being here doing what we're doing makes things a bit easier for everyone else, if doing this keeps slayers alive longer; then I've got to think it's worth the price, how about you?"

She could see a lot of thoughts flicker across Xander's face, waxing and fading as he thought about what she had said, but she could see one finally dominate until it suffused his entire being. "Buff, I've seen you through a lot of stuff, I've seen you great and I've seen you awful, I've called you my hero, and I've called you . . . . well a lot worse; but I don't think I've ever been prouder to call you my friend than I am right now. If you want me, then I'm here as long as you'll have me; no matter what you need me for, even if it's just to make the stakes."

Buffy sagged in the chair a bit "thank God, cause I don't think I could do any of it without you."

Xander took a couple of steps over and knelt down in front of her, so they were eye to eye "you'll never be without me Buff, never again."

"You promise" she asked with a slight blush in her cheeks.

"Yeah, I promise" he replied, shooting back a warm grin and the obligatory eyebrow waggle.

"I'll hold you to that Xander Harris" she said and pulled her friend into a warm hug.


	3. Before I Sleep

BEFORE I SLEEP

SLAYER TRAINING CENTER, CLEVELAND OHIO – 3 YEARS LATER

Buffy Summers hurt, it was like an ache in her bones, and not from the seemingly ever present cold; but for a different reason entirely. She had known this day would come, it had been planned for and even rehearsed; but when it hadn't occurred quickly, she began to forget. She had forgotten that it was inevitable, she had forgotten what Spike had told her, forgotten that all the bad guys need is one good day.

A slayer had died, one of theirs; and it hurt. At the moment Buffy couldn't tell what hurt more, the fact that the girl was dead, or the fact that she had survived an apocalypse only to fall a year later to a lucky strike by a newbie; either way it was devastating. She had known, of course that slayers died since she had done so twice, but when you hear about it occurring somewhere like Istanbul or Buenos Aires or Moscow it lacked the emotional impact of seeing someone you have cared about and trained with for over a year bleed out in front of you. She wished she were numb or angry or anything except hurting, but that was what she was and it didn't feel like it was gonna change any time soon; and whatever she felt it wouldn't change the facts of the situation. Mary Delaney from Cork Ireland, dead at 18, Buffy thought that sometimes life sucked beyond all reason.

Buffy thought back to what had happened, playing the scene over in her mind. They had been out on patrol; her, Xander, Mary and the three junior slayers when they spotted a vamp chasing a girl into an alley. They left the three slayerettes at the entrance to the alley in case anything tried to get in or out; she and Xander had gone to save the girl and left the slaying to Mary.

The first two parts of the plan had gone off without a hitch, the girl was OK and the perimeter was secure; they all then focused on the last part as Mary battled the vamp. It was hardly a fair fight, Mary had experience, a year of very advanced training and the confidence that came from knowing that you'd stopped the world from ending; so she was pummeling the vamp almost at will. None of them had seen it coming, least of all the vampire that had struck out in a blindly defensive move.

Had it been any shallower it wouldn't have done any damage, and a quarter of an inch to either side and it probably wouldn't have even required stitches; but the strike was in just the right spot and just deep enough to clip her carotid artery. It was such an insignificant hit that Buffy doubted it had even registered on Mary's pain meter, but after she had staked the vamp Mary had become aware of the freshet of blood pouring out of her neck.

Mary had turned to where Xander and Buffy were standing, her eyes wide and crimson stained hands held out in supplication, as if begging the two of them to allay what she feared, then her eyes rolled up into her head and she collapsed to the pavement. The two of them had rushed to her, trying to determine the extent of the damage and stop the bleeding at the same time telling the baby slayers to call 911. Xander had immediately slapped a bandage over the wound and then started checking the young slayer's vital signs; Buffy was holding the young girl's hand and looked up into Xander's eye, the pain Buffy saw there told her all she needed to know.

Realizing the truth she was soon whispering quietly in Mary's ear, telling the young Irishwoman that she'd be just fine, and they'd be laughing about the whole incident soon enough. But Mary could tell that she was hurt badly and soon tears were running out the corners of her eyes and she was saying how she didn't want to die. Buffy's heart broke when she heard what the young girl had said, remembering her response when Giles had told her that she would die at the hands of the Master; so Buffy told Mary what she remembered of Heaven and even asked the girl to say 'Hi' to her mother when she got there. Shockingly this got a small smile from the Irish slayer, and then with a glance and a smile for Xander and a sigh, Mary Delaney closed her eyes died in that alleyway.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Xander stayed there to talk to the police, and tell them the story of a mugging gone wrong. It hurt at times to not be able to tell the truth, but the world just wasn't ready for the existence of vampires and demons and boogelies that go bump in the night. Meanwhile Buffy took the three junior slayers home, then gathered all of the other personnel there, slayers and watchers and support staff and told them all what had happened. When she was done Buffy discovered that everyone was looking at her, as though she had some magic words that would make everything better.

She felt out of her depth. Stirring speeches were more of Xander's thing, other than bad slaying puns she wasn't much for the verbage. Unfortunately, though that was one of the functions of leadership, and right now she was in charge; she slowly eyed the room praying that the right words would come to her.

"I hate this" she started "I hate having to stand here and tell you what I'm gonna tell you. I hate talking about death, but unfortunately it's a part of slaying. Those of you here that are slayers, most of you will die painful and gruesome deaths; because what you are fighting won't try to just knock you out or give you a good bruise, they are trying to kill you just as much as you are trying to kill them. You're out there almost every night, so that means that sooner or later something bad will happen and unfortunately not all the skill, training or support will stop that. All the bad guys need is one good day, or for you to have one bad day and we'll be talking about your funeral. So why do we fight, given the inevitable conclusion? Well everyone has different reasons, some because they enjoy fighting, some because they're combating evil and still others because they're simply doing what they've been trained to do. But all that's incidental, because in the long run what we're fighting for is each other."

Buffy looked around the room again "all of you are my sisters and my friends, I would trade my life for yours without even thinking, and I believe that you all would do the same. Mary was eighteen when she died, but in that time she saved hundreds, maybe thousands of people, because you never know how many lives a vampire will snuff out if you let it go. Mary also helped avert an apocalypse, so there's another six billion people that are still walking around in the world thanks to what she's done. And then there's us, she pulled all of us out of a scrape at one time or another. So honor her and when you think of her, think of the difference she made with her life and think of how poor a place this would have been without Mary Delaney. The hardest thing about this world is living in it; so live, because God knows that Mary did." Buffy looked again, and saw that the faces in the room had changed, she could see recollections of good times and happy memories flashing in everyone's mind, and that was the best memorial she could offer the fallen. Figuring that she shouldn't push her luck with words, the senior slayer left the room and quietly walked upstairs, leaving the rest of the house to each others comfort. Her head believed that what she'd just said was the truth; she just hoped that one day her heart would believe it.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Buffy stood in her darkened room, looking out her window and waiting. She knew he'd show up, he always did when something bad had happened. It was one of those things she had come to expect here in Cleveland. She didn't know what she would have done here if Xander hadn't been with her, Buffy did know it wouldn't have been a place she'd want to be. Buffy smiled to herself only Xander could make living on the mouth of Hell fun, well as much fun as hunting demons every day could be. So she stood and waited, refusing to acknowledge the pain she was feeling until her Xander shaped friend was there to make it better.

She reflected, as she stood there waiting on how many times Xander the comfortador had been there for her. As she sifted through her memories, she realized that these were some of the best memories she had. She recalled the 'Puffy Xander' speech and the 'Hero' speech that he had given her, words that had stayed with her and had kept the darkness in her heart at bay on more nights than she would admit to.

After a wait that seemed like hours, Buffy heard a car approaching and her heart brightened when it turned into Xander's Jeep. He pulled into the driveway of Cleveland house and parked. As he got out Buffy released a breath she didn't even know she'd been holding; she would never admit to anyone, not even herself, how nervous she became until she was sure that he was safe. Buffy watched as he leaned for a moment against the hood of the jeep, the pain that the night's events had caused were clearly etched on his face. Buffy wanted nothing more at that moment than to go to him and somehow ease his pain, but she couldn't; at least not yet.

First, she knew, he would have to comfort the baby slayers and take care of what they were going through, only after he was sure that everyone else was dealing would he allow himself to grieve. Buffy vowed that she would be there for him, offering him the same comfort that he so easily gave to others.

Buffy watched as Xander took a deep breath, straightened, squared his shoulders and headed for the front door. Soon he passed out of her sight, but she could follow his progress easily enough. Without straining her senses, Buffy heard the front door open, followed by a communal gasp as the slayers saw who it was, and then the sound of feet as they all moved to him, seeking comfort in the shelter of his arms.

Buffy found that a part of her was jealous of the attention Xander was giving the younger slayers. A small part of her wanted him to ignore the others, come upstairs and take her in his arms and assure her that everything was gonna be alright; wanted him to put her first. Reason and maturity squashed the feeling almost as soon as it popped into her head, but the fact that it had been there at all surprised her a bit.

Downstairs Buffy could hear the sounds of crying and muted comments from Xander as he soothed the girls. After a short time he sent them to bed; Buffy was aware of the slayers moving past her door as they headed for their rooms. Then she heard the tread of his boots on the stairs, followed by the sound of her door opening, he didn't knock, tonight he knew he didn't need to. As soon as he spotted her, Xander moved across the room and took Buffy into his arms. Buffy allowed herself the luxury of leaning back into his comforting bulk as his arms moved around and engulfed her and his head came down and rested on hers.

So protected, she finally allowed the tears to come; they streamed down her cheeks and made the streetlights visible outside her window blur and waver. No words were spoken, none were necessary, solace was offered and accepted. At last the tears dried and Buffy closed her eyes and relaxed. When she did so, Buffy realized that the top of her head was damp. Her first thought was that Xander must be drooling or something, but then she felt his body shuddering periodically and she could hear the muted sobs and she realized that Xander was crying. Buffy had never seen Xander cry; she was sure that he did, but he always was so private about his serious emotions that it was never seen by either her or Willow.

Slowly, so as to cause as little disturbance as possible, Buffy turned herself in his arms so she was facing him, and wrapped her arms as far around him as they would go. She held him as tightly as she could, without doing any damage, for a couple of minutes then eased up and asked "why did she have to die Xander"?

"I don't know Buff, God knows I wish I did. All I can remember is one thing Giles told me a long time ago."

"What did he tell you" Buffy asked.

"He said 'Xander my boy, there are two rules to slaying, rule one is that young girls die; and rule two is that there isn't a bloody thing anyone can do about rule one'."

"That doesn't sound like something Giles would say."

"Well he was pretty well drunk at the time; it was about a week after Glory's tower. I'm not an idiot, I realize that if you fight demons every night, sooner or later your number is gonna come up, I just know that I don't like it when it happens."

"Neither do I Xander" Buffy replied "but if there's an alternative out there I'd like to hear it; everyone dies no exceptions."

"Says the girl that's been resurrected twice" Xander said with a snort, his body no longer shaking, his crying was done.

"Well, special people get special treatment" Buffy quipped.

"So how does that translate to you being brought back twice" Xander asked; mock perplexity in his voice.

Buffy smiled and buried her head back in his chest "jerk" she muttered. She heard a weak chuckle and realized that her effort to change his mood had actually worked; in her mind she was high fiving herself. Then Buffy sighed, her mood changing again "I just wish we could have done something, maybe there's some witchy medical stuff we could learn or teach."

"Maybe there is, that's something we can look into, like a healing amulet or something but Buffy you did what Mary needed the most tonight."

"What's that?"

"When Mary knew she was dieing, you held her close and made sure she knew that she was loved; there is nothing you could have done for her that would have been more important." Xander pulled the petite blond closer to him and murmured "thank you for doing that, for letting her know that she had family with her when she died."

"What about her real family" Buffy asked.

"Orphan, remember" Xander said, then continued with some venom "you gotta love those IRA car-bombs."

Buffy remembered now, and felt ashamed that she had needed to ask. Then something occurred to her "are the police gonna be any problem Xander"?

"I don't think so Buff, I didn't have any weapons on me and I stayed with the body, so that kinda rules me out as a suspect. And while the Cleveland PD aren't as inept as Sunnydale's finest, there's still that kind of 'don't ask don't tell' vibe going on. Maybe an active Hellmouth just makes people indifferent."

"But if they do try to make trouble . . . . ."

"Well there's a lawyer on council retainer, or if worst comes to worst I could just disappear, go back to Africa or somewhere."

"Try the lawyer first" Buffy muttered "I like having you here."

"Absolutely" Xander replied "I like being here" he turned his head and kissed the top of Buffy's head. Then Xander yawned and said "but as much as I like being where I am right now, I need to hit the sack Buff." He went to disentangle himself from his friend, but she didn't seem willing to let go. "Ummm Buff, I kinda need you to let me go."

Buffy just looked up into his eye and asked "could you stay here tonight Xander, please" she then played very unfairly by shooting him here best puppy-dog eyes. Buffy knew they were to Xander what kryptonite is to Superman.

Collapsing faster than a house of cards in an earthquake Xander said "alright Buff, but no unclothed Olympics tonight, just sleep."

Buffy gave him a little grin "spoilsport" she said, then becoming serious added "that's fine Xander, I just don't think I could handle being alone tonight."

Xander breathed an exaggerated sigh of relief, which brought out a "hey" from his friend "no problem then Buff, just two friends sharing the same bed and keeping the bad dreams away, I think I could use that myself tonight."

"Yaay" Buffy said "slumber party in my room; now turn around you so I can change."

"Sure Buff"

"And Xander"

"Yeah Buff"

"Try to stand somewhere other than in front of my mirror."

"Now who's being the spoilsport" Xander replied.

When they were both ready, they climbed into bed together, both being a little careful about personal space because neither was completely comfortable with what was going on. Because of that, sleep didn't come easy for either of them. Finally Buffy asked "you still awake Xander"?

"Yeah Buff, what's up?"

"Well aside from both of us, I was wondering something?"

"What's that?"

"Did you ever think about the two of us being. . . . ."

"Coupley"

"Exactly"

Xander snorted a laugh "you gotta be kidding me Buff, hell I couldn't think of much else the first year and a half I knew you. After that there were periodic flares where I'd daydream about you finally looking at me 'that way', but you made it pretty clear that that wouldn't happen; and then when you chose to be with Spike rather than coming to me or Will, well lets just say that it was tough to even think of you as my friend those last couple of years in Sunnydale. I mean that summer when it was just the three of us was great, but I was rebuilding my feelings for you and then when Will and Spike showed up everything kinda went back to the way it was, well I just gave up on there ever being an 'us'."

It hurt Buffy to hear her friend talk about how he had felt, or rather how her actions had made him feel all those years ago. They had both made their peace with the past, but it still hurt. "And now?"

"Well we have this amazing friendship, we are an exceptional team, and we're doing important work. I hate to say this but if we did the dating thing and it blew up for whatever reason, all of that would be lost which would be bad for us, but it would also jeopardize the training that's going on, and that would be bad for a whole lot more people. Now if Giles called up tomorrow and told us that we'd done enough and he was giving us council spots in England and that two people we actually trusted were taking over here, I'd ask you out before the phone was hung up, but until then I think we should just kinda stay the way we are. What do you think?"

Buffy thought for a moment then said "I guess it seems too coincidental for me Xander. Think about it, the times I'm interested in you, you're not interested in me; whenever I'm ending a relationship, you're starting one or vice versa; the times when neither of us have any romantic entanglements, there's an apocalypse or some other major event that keeps us apart. Maybe it's the Powers telling us we're just not supposed to be together. And while I know you just love messing up prophecies, maybe we should just leave this situation alone. Because I agree with you, if we get together and then everything blows up, it won't be just us paying the price, but the entire council, and as much as I might love you, I'm not ready to risk that."

Xander sighed "so do you think either of us will ever find anyone?"

"I don't know, I mean you seem to have found some 'interesting' short term involvements."

"If you're referring to those three researchers that the council sent over, then I deny all knowledge."

"Well what about Abigail, that female watcher trainee, or Dierdra, that little brunette at the magic shop."

"Why don't you not mention them, then I'll not have to mention Allen or Marcel, the watcher trainees, Steven the warlock and Tran the aikido instructor."

"You know about them, huh."

"No offense Buff, but you do tend to be a bit . . . vocal, the entire house knows about them." Buffy blushed a nice crimson as Xander continued "at least I tried to keep all my 'rendezvous' in my workshop, or somewhere other than the house."

"That would explain the poison ivy Marcy got on her . . . . ."

"Yeah, that would explain it" Xander agreed. "Honestly Buff, unless we leave here together, I can't see us getting together as anything but friends, and when it comes to long term stuff, I can only think of three women that would care for me, accept my friendship with you, and understand about my job; one's dead, one's gay and the other said 'no'."

"I guess we're both kinda hosed cause I can't think of any guy that would accept my friendship with you except for Giles and just let me say EWWWWW right now."

"So I guess we just have to stay friends."

"Yeah, I guess so; goodnight Xander."

Xander rolled to his side and kissed Buffy on her forehead "goodnight Buff."

There was silence for a moment then "Xander, did we just reach a well thought out mature decision."

"Yeah Buff, I'd say we did."

"Growing up sucks, you know."

"Right there with you Buff."

With that said the two friends fell asleep in each others arms.

THE END

AN/ First the disclaimers, obviously I do not own any rights what-so-ever to Buffy the Vampire Slayer or any of the characters; plus since I own very little, suing me wouldn't get you beans.

The titles come from the poem _Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening_ by Robert Frost and obviously I have no proprietary claim on that either, mores the pity.

Anyway, I suppose every fic writer has a different idea of what would happen post Chosen, I know I've had a couple, but this is one without a cross over or significant OC's; so I just ran with it. I have no doubts that you will have points of disagreement with my outcome, but I'd like to think that the characters are capable of growing up. On the show I really believe that Xander matured the most of the Scooby Gang, I thought Buffy got tougher, but not necessarily mature; and I felt that Willow may have actually become less mature at the end than she was at the beginning of the show. I am also sure that there are many readers who think that Dawn would never act in such a manner, but there were times in season seven that I could see her channeling her inner Cordelia, so I took that as a starting point and added a little booze. Many thanks to all of you who have read my little tale, and even more thanks to those who have taken the time to review it; your efforts are greatly appreciated. Finally, you are always welcome to review, but please no pointless rants, they just make what little brains I have hurt.

Again, thank you for your time and attention.

POE1911


	4. Promises to Keep II Mending Wills

MENDING

She staggered into the bathroom; her eyes weren't working quite yet so she hoped that it was hers. She turned the shower on and stepped in, the water sluicing off of her, waking her up, or at least helping her remember what had happened the day before. It had been wild, she remembered that. There had been dancing, and drinking (lots of drinking) then they'd come back here, Kennedy, a couple of friends from the magical community, and a couple of dancers that she often 'played' with. Willow couldn't actually remember everything she had done, but what she did remember made her blush, heck she didn't know she was that flexible. She finished her shower and dried off. Then she took a good look in the mirror.

Who the hell was that looking back at her? Willow didn't even recognize the woman in the mirror anymore; she bore no resemblance to the woman that had left the Hellmouth five years ago. She had come down to Rio with Kennedy to 'get her magic under control' and handle the demonic threats in South America. Since most of the demonic activity in South America consisted of a few vamps here in Brazil, Willow mostly worked on her tan, wallowed in the luxury her magic provided, and rode Kennedy's tongue stud. Willow had never felt as though she had no responsibilities, so for the first time in her life she'd been free enough to just kick back and enjoy, and she certainly had. Willow had experimented with practically everything, from sex to drugs to different kinds of magic, all with Kennedy's enthusiastic approval. It had been a very heady and decadent five years, but there had been consequences, some obvious some not so much. She couldn't remember the last time she actually felt alive, felt needed, felt like Willow and not some living sex toy existing in a chemical or sexual haze until the next party or ritual; that was the major consequence, she had lost herself.

She was supposed to be the smart one, after all she could have gone to any college anywhere; so what was she doing now with her phenomenal intellect. Not a damn thing, heck she couldn't remember the last time she had to think about anything, at least actively.

'So' she thought 'let's give the old noggin something to figure out. We have subject (A) who has no idea who she is anymore or what she wants to do with her life. She remembers who she was, and realizes that there was a time that she knew the answers to these questions, so what does she do'? The answer was obvious, she needed to find someone that knew her back when she had the answers and once she fully remembered who she had been, she could use that foundation to realize who she was now and what she wanted to do.

The answer was obvious, the problem was who. Who did she know that still cared enough about her to help? In her mind she ran through a depressingly short list of possibilities and again came up with an obvious answer. There was one person who had been there for her, no matter what; and now she needed him to rescue her in the most fundamental way possible. She knew where he was, heck; anyone that had anything to do with the supernatural knew where he was, what she needed was the courage to face him.

Decision made, she eased back into the bedroom and breathed a sigh of relief to find that it was hers and it was currently unoccupied, although the ropes tied to the headboard gave her a bit of a start. Quickly she threw a few things in a bag; she was ready to leave when she paused. It would be a good idea to leave a note, that way there would be no question about foul play. Picking up a pen and an old scrap of paper she dashed off a two word explanation, folded it and wrote "Kennedy" on the front, she then dropped it on her bed and with a flex of her power she teleported out of the house. She had not gone far, just enough to get out; she then flagged down a taxi and headed for the airport all the while hoping she would find who she was looking for.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

The cab stopped in front of an older house that sat squarely on the border between the urban and suburban parts of Cleveland. It was big and obviously well cared for, with an expansive lawn that was very well manicured. The house stood out in the neighborhood which looked a little rough, but not too bad. As Willow looked at the house she felt like there was a very active nest of snakes in her gut. Without taking her eyes off of it, she got out of the cab and paid off the driver. As she heard the cab drive off she realized just how scared she was. Not of the house itself, but of what it represented. It was her last hope; if her friend would take her back, then maybe there was hope for her quest. If he didn't, well then she'd be lost the rest of her life, and she didn't relish that prospect one bit.

She stood there for a minute or two, just staring at the house, not moving and barely breathing. Finally she shook her head and muttered "come on already, its just your two former best friends that you've completely ignored for the past few years; how hard could it be". And with that little talk to herself she walked up to the front door, hesitated for a split second and then knocked.

Willow took a step back from the door when she heard the sound of footsteps moving toward the door. It opened to reveal an Asian girl who looked to be just out of high school. "Can I help you" she asked.

Willow just stood there dumbstruck for a moment or two, the managed to get out "I'm looking for Xander Harris."

"And you are?"

"I'm sorry; it's Willow, Willow Rosenberg."

The way the girl flinched at just her name hurt Willow more than she would admit. She'd hoped that people that knew Xander and Buffy would be able to give her the benefit of the doubt, but it was now clear that that wasn't the case. The girl looked at her a moment more and then stepped aside, and invitation that Willow was familiar with, being from Sunnydale and all. They walked through the house to a rather stuffy and formal room that looked like it was used for parental meet and greets but not much else. It was painted a dusty rose color with a patterned rose and grey carpet and subdued paintings of flowers on the walls. The furniture looked both uncomfortable and expensive and there was an obviously unused fireplace at one end of the room with a white wooden mantle; an old camel-back clock sat there and ticked sullenly.

"Mr. Xander will be here in a moment" the girl said quietly, with a faint oriental accent; then she softly closed the door and left Willow there with her thoughts as her only companions.

Willow sat on one of the uncomfortable chairs and immediately she started second guessing herself; it both pleased and annoyed her. Willow figured she hadn't done a lot of second guessing in the last few years so the fact that she was actually thinking about what she was doing pleased her, but why did it have to start now. Her mind started flashing through all of the possible outcomes and of course latched firmly on to the worst case scenario, the one where Xander called her a drunken slut and pitched her out the front door. Willow tried to think of what she'd do if that happened. She wasn't sure, except for one thing, she wasn't going back to Kennedy; that was well and truly finished, even if the young slayer didn't realize it yet. Another thought sprang into her mind, that this was quite possibly the pivot point of her life. Sure there had been crucial decisions in her past, Tara and ending the World among them, but this was probably the point at which her life would change for good and all. She would rise or fall on the outcome of the next few minutes, and they wouldn't be easy minutes. Oddly enough that thought calmed her, what would become of her was up to just two people, herself and her best friend; the only person that had never let her down. Just as Willow felt her body finally beginning to relax, she heard the voice she had most wanted to hear say "long time no see there green eyed girl".

Willow gave a little squeak, jumped to her feet and turned, there was Xander leaning against the doorjamb, familiar grin on his face. "Goddess Xander, I've missed you" she said and hugged her oldest friend; she silently rejoiced a moment later when he returned her hug and said "I've missed you too Wills".

After an intoxicating moment, Willow looked up at Xander and asked "where's Buffy"?

"She's got class right now, she's finishing up her degree at Case Western, Psych major" Xander replied. Then his face turned a bit sour "so is it just you, or is your entourage gonna pop in here at any moment?"

Willow understood the look, Xander had never really liked Kennedy and vice versa "just me".

"So why are you here" he asked.

Willow looked at the floor, suddenly embarrassed "I need your help" she managed to say, but just barely.

"With what?"

"Finding someone".

"Who"?

Willow reached into her bag and nearly burst into tears when she caught Xander's flinch at her movements, it seemed as though his trust in her was shattered; she pulled the picture out and handed it to him.

It was the two of them standing in the middle of a miniature golf course and smiling at the camera, it had been Willow's thirteenth birthday, and Jesse had been sick so it had just been Willow and Xander "it's someone we both knew, but I haven't seen her in a long time" Willow said.

"So why come to me, after five years of silence why me, why now?"

Willow winced at the question, legitimate though it might be "why you, because you knew her best and were the last one to see her; not to mention you're the only person I know who might care enough to help me find her" Willow looked at her feet then back up into Xander's eye "you're my only hope" she said in a voice that was almost too quiet to hear.

Xander snorted and looked back at the picture in his hand, a wistful smile flickering on his face. He looked at the picture and paced around the room, from the way he never looked at anything except the picture Willow had to conclude that this wasn't unusual behavior for him. She sat back down and watched him, barely breathing and hoping she could live with his decision. Finally he stopped pacing and looked over at her, a severe expression on his face "OK Wills, you can stay as long as it takes to find her, but you'll have to earn your keep . . . . . as a researcher."

Willow had relaxed at his first words, but then became confused; he couldn't be asking what she thought he was asking, could he? Magic was what made her special, it was her way of helping, there was no way Xander would want her to give that up; was there?

Seeing the confusion on her face, Xander's glower got even more severe "if you choose to stay then no magic, not for any reason. You can help research spells and help decide which one would work best in a given situation, but you can't cast or even help cast em."

"But . . . ." Willow started, but Xander cut her off with a look.

"Let me tell you a story Wills, and maybe it will explain my attitude; a couple of years ago the council figured we should send someone down to check out your situation, you know; get a feel for what was going on. They decided to ask Faith to go and you know what she said?"

Silently Willow shook her head.

"She said 'Hell no, Red's always hated me, knowing her she'll mojo me into being her mindless fucktoy for a while, and then when she or Snooty is bored they'll toss my naked ass into Rio's version of vamp central' and you know what the worst part was?"

Again Willow shook her head, unshed tears in her eyes.

"The worst part was that the only disagreement that anyone had with her statement was the part about dumping her in a high vamp area."

Willow just sat there numb, tears running down her face; she couldn't think of anything to say.

I'm gonna be blunt Will, I don't care what's been said or what the rumors are, but if I see anything iffy going on, mojo or otherwise; I'll boot you right out of here and every other slayer house in the world. I'm responsible for these girls and I can't risk them any more than they already are. Now I'm not talking about who you share your bed with, or if they want to play 'tie me up, tie me down' cause I'm not the moral police and what consenting adults do is up to them; but any drugs in the house and your out, and as for booze, just in the common areas, at least for now."

"Xander" Willow said "why are you being like this?"

"Because you're an addict Will; I should know I spent the first twenty years of my life with a pair of em. And I know you say you're cured, but the only way an addict can cure themselves is to stop. Now I've got other reasons for the rules I've laid down, but I'll let you figure those out. So, you know where I stand and what I expect, any questions?"

"Umm, Where's my room; where's the library, do you guys have a half-way decent computer, when do I go on patrol, do you still do the Snoopy dance and where can I get some clothes because I'm pretty used to not wearing much at all even when I wear clothes". This last bit was accompanied by a blush and just for a second, Xander saw the girl that had been his friend for so many years.

"Your room is upstairs, the library is downstairs, the only thing I know about the computer is that it has the Dawn and Andrew seal of approval, you patrol as soon as we make sure you won't get yourself or anyone else killed, yes but only for you or Dawn, you can ask Buffy about clothes and why didn't I get any nearly naked Willow pictures" this last was asked with a pout.

"What are you complaining about Xander, you've seen me naked before."

"Well yeah, but we were both six at the time."

"So"

"So it doesn't count if you don't know what you're supposed to be looking at."

"So how is your lack of knowledge my fault?"

"Because you're the smart one, I always counted on you to point out the important stuff." The two friends laughed together for a moment, and for that moment they were as they had been before Buffy Summers had come into their lives.

"And now it's all backwards" Willow said, her voice wistful "now you're the smart one and I'm needing the important stuff pointed out to me." Before Xander could reply, the redhead's mood changed and jumping to her feet said "speaking of important, how about you show me where I'm gonna stay and then you can start training me in the ways of the council."

"Catching the reference, Xander replied in a fake deep voice "as you wish young one, I will gladly take you on as my Padawan learner."

Willow laughed, feeling better than she had in years and followed her friend upstairs to her new room.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Willow was aware of when Buffy arrived at Cleveland House, it was impossible for her to not know. Despite hr non-practicing vow, Willow still had her mystical antennae out; it was a sensible precaution and one that Xander had agreed with. Slayers gave off a very strong mystical signal, and Buffy was stronger than any other slayer. Willow wasn't sure why, whether it was a function of age or living on an active Hellmouth, and she pretty much didn't care; what was important was that Buffy would be in Willow's room in a moment and she had no idea what kind of greeting she'd get. Sure enough, Willow heard the muted conversation followed by feet pounding their way up the stairs, then the knock; Willow was actually surprised that Buffy had bothered to knock.

"It's open" Willow called out. The door opened and her oldest female friend was standing there with a stony, non-committal look on her face. "Willow" Buffy finally said.

"Hey Buffy, how was class" Willow asked, trying to somehow channel the girl she had been back at UCS.

"Not bad" Buffy replied, her tone immediately dismissing the topic, she looked around the room, hesitated then asked "just you"?

"Yeah, just me."

"So what brings you to the Hellmouth?"

"Nothing, I just came up to see you and Xander."

"Why"

"I gotta have a reason?"

"After five years, yeah you kinda do."

Willow thought for a moment, the stuff that had convinced Xander wouldn't work here, she needed a different approach with Buffy, but she had been given some free time to prepare and was ready. "Do you remember what I said when you asked me why I was staying in Sunnydale and going to UCS?"

"Yeah" Buffy replied, her eyebrows knitting together for a moment "you said it was a good fight and you wanted in for yourself."

"Well the truth is I haven't done much to help the good in the last few years. At first I was just recovering from the fight with the First, I was physically and emotionally wrung out. But later, when I wasn't exhausted anymore, I just wasn't sure where to start. Then I heard about what was going on with you, Giles reforming the council and Xander in Africa and I got, I dunno, ashamed of myself and that wasn't comfortable so I didn't want to think about it so I just started avoiding thinking of you guys. Pretty soon I wasn't thinking about you all or what I was supposed to be doing or much of anything until I couldn't remember who I was or what I wanted to do with my life. Anyway, I finally pulled my head out of my butt and decided that it was still a good fight and that I wanted back in so I left everything that I'd been doing and everyone I'd been with and came up here looking for myself" Willow paused for a breath "did that make any sense at all?"

"Yeah it did" Buffy said with the ghost of a smile touching her lips "I guess after all these years I'm still fluent in Willow-logic." Buffy paused and cleared her throat "listen Willow, I'm glad you're here and I hope everything works out, but I want you to understand something." Willow waited as her friend left and it was just the Slayer standing in front of her "Xander thinks you're salvageable because when he looks at you he sees a friend who needs help, but when I look at you I see a risk, an un-necessary risk at that. So I want it to be crystal clear that if you doing some spell hurts anyone here even if it is accidentally or indirectly, I won't care; I'll simply end you."

Willow looked into the blonde's hazel eyes and only saw cold resolve. I was the same look she had seen on Xander's face but never aimed at her. It made her want to cry, had all their friendship, all their shared experiences, all of the late night patrol's and gab sessions come to this? She realized it had. When she had faced off with Buffy during her Darth Willow phase she had seen hesitation and reluctance in the slayer's eyes but it wasn't there now. Willow knew that Buffy would kill her and not even think twice if she felt it was necessary. However it was the expression on her friends face, a mixture of pity and disgust; kind of like the way they had looked at Spike that really brought home to Willow just how far she'd fallen. "I understand Buffy" was all she could manage to get out.

As soon as the words were out of her mouth the Slayer was gone and it was just her friend there again. Buffy crouched down and the mercurial blonde took Willow's hands in her own "I'm glad you're here Will and I want you to know I'll do anything I can to help".

Again it was the expression, the naked sympathy and longing in Buffy's face that did the red head in. She had friends, friends who still thought she was worth the effort; friends who would stand by her as long as she needed them. And as she burst into tears she realized that for the first time in a long time, Willow Marie Rosenberg had hope.


	5. Mending Wills, Scenes from a Life

MENDING II

SCENES FROM A LIFE

"YES" the shriek of triumph rang through Cleveland House with enough volume to wake everyone and at a high enough pitch to mess with a couple of the local dogs. When everyone stuck their heads out of their doors they were treated to the sight of Willow Rosenberg doing a celebratory moonwalk down the upstairs hallway in a pair of Spongebob pajamas and cow slippers. When she got to the end of the hallway she started gyrating around, oblivious to the laughter and smiles her sheer exuberance generated. She remained oblivious until Xander managed to penetrate her bubble of joy with "not bad Will, but you gotta start taking stuff off if you want money for it."

This caused the red-head to stop in her tracks and blush to the roots of her hair once she became aware that everyone was looking at her. "Sorry guys, I guess I got a bit carried away" she said with a nervous smile and a wave.

"Ya think" Buffy replied, smiling ear to ear.

"OK, so I got a lot carried away, but I so had a reason."

"So I take it you finally cracked the problem" Xander asked.

"Yeah, I did" Willow replied with a proud smile. In the two months since she'd arrived at Cleveland House, Willow had been getting her hacking skills back up to snuff. She'd worked hard at it and to test herself she'd asked Andrew and Dawn to set up systems for her to crack. She'd hacked all but one, one that Andrew swore you'd have to use magic to get into, but she'd beaten it.

"Nice job Willow, but do you think you could tell us about it when everyone's actually awake?"

"Alright you bunch of sleepy-heads" she said to the group "but I don't think being awake will help you much Xander."

"Wills I'm stunned, you should know by now that I can stroke my chin and nod sagely with the best of them, I can even borrow Danielle's glasses to polish when stuff gets weird."

Willow couldn't help but giggle at the image Xander put in her head "sorry Xander, far be it from me to doubt your Gilesish abilities."

"And don't you forget it missy, now get some sleep" he leaned down and kissed her forehead "and congratulations again."

Willow watched as her oldest friend yawned his way back to his room and shut the door. In her room, Willow shut down her computer and got ready for bed. It wasn't until she was snuggling down in the sheets that it hit her that no one had asked her if she'd use magic to crack the problem. She smiled to herself; it looked like she was finally earning some trust.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

A month or so later.

Willow woke up feeling refreshed and relaxed; it was a feeling that went away as soon as she opened her eyes. She closed them immediately and groaned; it has happened again. 'Well' she thought 'I might as well assess the damage' and deliberately opened her eyes again. What had been a rather Spartan little bedroom was now a tent draped, pillow strewn boudoir right out of the Arabian Nights. Her computer, nightstand, bed, wardrobe and belongings were all gone and the only clothes she currently possessed was the rather filmy 'harem girl' ensemble she was currently wearing.

Willow vaguely recalled a dream involving Angelina Jolie, Jessica Alba and some creative uses for silk scarves and figured that was what triggered it. Wondering something, Willow sat up and scanned the whole room, then she sighed; unfortunately neither Jessica nor Angie had decided to make an extended appearance. She flopped back down onto the pile of pillows that was currently functioning as her bed; the problem was magic. Willow had been dealing with high levels of power for so long that her body was used to it, and if she wouldn't use it consciously then her body seemed to do it unconsciously, triggered by intense dreams. It had been a problem for a couple of days, but then she tried some of the meditation techniques that Oz had used to control his inner wolfiness and they had seemed to work and Willow considered the problem solved; she looked around once more, obviously not.

Realizing she had to tell Xander, and that sooner was better than later she struggled upright out of the pillow mound and waded to the door. She looked down at her outfit that seemed to reveal more than it concealed, this was gonna be embarrassing. Maybe not as embarrassing as the time she had woken up wearing only a leather corset and chained to the wall but it was still not making her list of the top ten things to do in the morning. Willow opened her door and poked her head out to see if the coast was relatively clear. Finding the hallway empty she blessed the Goddess and scuttled down to Xander's room as fast and quietly as she could, all the while praying that the door to his room wasn't locked. It wasn't. She opened the door, ducked into his room and quickly shut the door behind her. She rested her head on the door jamb and sent up a silent prayer in thanks for not being seen; a sighting of her in this outfit would lead to some rather merciless teasing for at least a month. She stayed that way until she heard a sarcastic voice behind her "_save a broomstick, ride a witch_; huh, I can understand the sentiment but I just didn't figure you for the tattoo on the buns kind of person there Wills".

Willow whirled around eyes so wide they were practically falling out of her head; it took only a moment to realize that she had just made a bad situation worse because now even more of her was exposed to Xander; quickly she tried to cover herself. For his part, Xander just stood there and smirked at her, holding back his laughter but only just. "Well lets see" he began "I was hoping that either you had decided to hit from both sides of the plate and I was your first target, or that this was some sort of ploy to get a favor out of me but if that was the case then you wouldn't be covering yourself up; so I gotta go with it happened again."

"Yeah it did" Willow replied miserably, her face as red as her hair.

Xander stood there for a second, so deep in thought that he was not really seeing anything; finally he came around and was again aware of Willow's situation. "Sorry" he said, grabbing his robe and handing it too her "it's a couple of sizes too big but that's better than too small".

"Thanks Xander" she replied as she put the robe on "so now what are we gonna do, I can't go to sleep not knowing what I'm gonna wake up to and what if I have a nightmare, I don't want to even think about what could happen."

"Neither do I Wills, but don't worry too much; me and Giles will put our heads together and come up with something. Meanwhile why don't you go find Steven and see if he can reverse whatever it is you did."

Willow just nodded, she hadn't thought that there would be any anger or recriminations about what had happened, but magic was such a sore spot that she still worried whenever the topic came up. As she opened up the door Xander spoke again "hey Wills, if Steven does reverse everything, see if you can hang on to that outfit, it really displays your assets well."

Blushing almost as red as her hair, Willow whipped around and started yelling at Xander, eventually throwing her shoes at him in an attempt to stifle his laughter, but that was a task beyond even her, so gathering the shredded remains of her dignity she walked out of the room chin high and hoping that no one else heard their exchange.

LATER THAT EVENING

"So let me get this straight" Buffy said while giving her partner the eye "when she first got here you didn't want her to do any magic, but now your all 'magic yay'; are you on crack or something?"

"Nope, totally drug free Buff" then he got serious "think about it, according to Giles her body is so used to magic that she's gonna do it regardless. So would you rather have it be something we've got control over or have something random happen while you're asleep? Heck, Willow might include you in one of her dreams and it might be you that winds up in the harem girl outfit."

"Or chained up in a dungeon" Steve added helpfully.

"Willow is so lucky it was me and not either of you two lechers that found her that morning, now let us never speak of it again" Buffy said over their raucous laughter.

"Oh come on Buff."

"In your dreams, Xander."

"Frequently" he shot back.

The conversation was about to dissolve into harmless but racy flirtage when Carlos, the latest Watcher in training asked "so how are you going to focus her magic?"

"Well it turns out that enchanting objects is about the most draining thing you can do, so we thought that we'd start with these" he held up a silver Star of David "then have Wills put a teleporter and a healing charm on it; both activated with a single word."

"Cool" Buffy said, examining the object "plus it's an effective weapon" this observation was quickly followed by her whipping it at a convenient target.

"So do you wanna sell the plan or do you want me to" Xander asked his friend.

"I'll do it" she replied while pulling the star out of the cabinet door "we've been kinda uncomfortable around each other, so I could use a chance at friendship re-buildage."

Xander gave her a nod and a smile and Buffy headed up the stairs to Willow's room only to find the red-head packing "what's up Will"?

Willow turned to see who it was then immediately turned away again, in the fraction of a second that they were visible; Buffy could see that Willow had been crying. "I can't stop it Buffy, I've tried and tried but now I'm using magic while I'm asleep; that's just too dangerous. I don't want to hurt anyone, so I figured I'd just pull an Oz and head for somewhere out of the way."

"That's no way to live Willow" Buffy said coming over to her friend "and you're not being thrown out or anything."

"So you're not here to help me pack?"

"Nope, just the opposite actually; I'm here to lay out our super duper plan to keep you on the straight and narrow."

"But I'm not straight" Willow quipped.

"You know what I mean girl" Buffy replied with a mock glare.

"Does it involve whips?"

"Not unless you want it to."

Willow looked thoughtful for a moment "I think I'll pass for now" she said, then got serious "so what's the plan?"

Buffy laid out the what's and why's of the plan; Willow looked doubtful "I understand it, but you're still wanting me to do magic, aren't you all afraid I'll go back to pre-Cleveland Willow, or scary veiny Willow."

"A little" Buffy said with some honesty "but the bottom line is that both Xander and I trust you, not to mention you'll be so wiped out after mojoing the doohickey's that you won't be able to re-arrange your furniture in your sleep."

"Well, that is a plus; and I won't have to worry about being un-chained in the morning."

"And I won't have to worry about finding you that way so I can avoid the mental scaring from that kind of thing; so we both win." Buffy looked thoughtful for a second, then continued "whips and chains Will, that doesn't strike me as the kind of thing to dream about."

Willow thought about this for a moment or two then said "maybe not, but when I was down there I experimented with darn near everything, including types of sex, and while most of it didn't bear repeating, a few things were really great. Remember from your time with Spike, how pain could blur into pleasure; well in the right mood with someone you trust that's true for me, physical pain can lead to pleasure." She broke off, realizing that Buffy was embarrassed to be reminded of her time with Spike.

"I guess when it comes to that kind of thing I'm a pretty basic girl" Buffy finally said.

"And about 85 of the time I'm pretty basic too, but it's kinda good to know what I like the other 15 of the time."

"So, anyone catch your eye?"

"There's been a couple, but mostly I'm trying to keep away from that kind of thing, right now I need to be focused on what I'm doing here."

"So is that why you wouldn't see Kennedy when she came up here?"

"Yeah, I care about her, but she's a part of the Willow that I needed to get away from."

"So any future there after you're back to being you?"

"I doubt it" Willow said "she seemed to kinda trip on 'Power Willow' and now that I'm not about the power anymore, I think she'll move on."

"I'm sorry" Buffy said, giving Willow a hug "it seems like we're doomed to relationship suckage."

"That might not always be the case, what about you and Xander; anything cooking there?"

"No, and there's not gonna be."

"Why not, I mean it's obvious you two are pretty comfortable around each other?"

"Yeah we are, but it's like what you said about focus, we need to keep sharp and boinking each other's brains out every night is a good way to loose that focus, then someone ends up dead. Anyway we talked about it and decided that we shouldn't engage in any snuggles, at least not with each other. Not to mention I turned him down all that time ago; you know how Xander is, you get one shot only and I blew mine. I tell you what though Will, if they ever moved us to somewhere we could settle down without having to worry about a houseful of people or dieing every night, I'd be on him till he'd have to say yes just to shut me up."

"So do you think about him in a permanent kind of way?"

"Sometimes I do, it's just that with being a slayer permanent isn't what it's cracked up to be."

"Well there's not much I can help you with there, but have you thought about . . . . . ." and the two friends were off, talking and gossiping and regrowing their friendship until two in the morning.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

It was a bad one, the worst she had experienced since the Sunnydale Hellmouth. 3 slayers had gone out, two had come back injured and one hadn't come back at all. The three had been searching for the source of some rumors about a group of demons moving in and looking to take over; obviously they had been found and in greater numbers than expected. The only reason Ivanka and Cheryl had made it back to Cleveland House was because of the healing charms they wore, but they didn't know what had happened to Nicole. Steve had immediately done a spell to locate her only to have it blocked; Xander took that as a good sign because he figured that if she wasn't alive there wouldn't be any reason to block the locator spell. Willow had suggested that they modify the spell so it located mystical 'hot spots', that one had worked and it had allowed them to home in on Nicole's slayer essence. It also told them approximately how many demons they had to deal with; it was a lot. That was why she, along with everyone else that could hold a weapon was moving through Cleveland's warehouse district with blood in their eyes. Nicole was coming back, that wasn't an option, the only question was how many demons were gonna die before that happened. Steve was checking the locator in his hand and looked up, this was it. It was a condemned four story office building that looked like it had been built back in the thirties. Willow was afraid that the building's layout would give the demons enough warning to kill or escape with Nicole. Reaching out to Xander she whispered "Steve should cast a sound dampening spell on us, that way we should be able to sneak around without warning them before we want to."

Xander looked at her for a second, weighing what she had said "good idea Will" then turning "set it up Steve." In a minute all of the sounds from the rescue mission were muffled; then with a series of hand signals everyone broke into two groups, one for the front door and one for the back. After what seemed like hours but wasn't, Buffy gave the signal and two slayers entered the front as quickly and quietly as they could. They, and the two that had gone in the back, made short work of the two guards that had been on the first floor and were soon giving the 'all clear' signal to everyone. One by one they eased into the building and did a quick search of the floor. Finding it empty, everyone went to the stairs, but Willow felt a hand on her shoulder, and soon Xander was whispering in her ear "you stay down here Wills and watch our backs. If something comes through use the radio and then get yourself clear any way you can."

Willow looked back at her friend, her eyes asking if he meant what he'd just said. He saw the question in her eyes and just nodded. Satisfied, she gave him the thumbs up, then watched as he and the rest slipped silently up the stairs, then she was alone. At first she tried to listen closely so she could follow the team's progress, but the masking spell was just working too well; then she tried stretching out with her mystical senses, but the proximity of all the slayers and demons made it an unclear picture at best. With nothing else to do Willow did a quick exploration of the floor she was on, but it was so silent that she soon got creeped out; jumping nervously at every little sound. She was trying to remain calm but found it tough to do, so she focused on setting up a post that would let her keep an eye on both doors and the stairs while providing some cover; just in case. She had just finished quietly arranging some boards when the upstairs erupted in noise, the battle cries of the slayers mixed with the dying bellows of the demons. Willow quickly ducked behind her cover as the noise seemed to get closer to the stairs, soon she could see something coming down the stairs, and not knowing who or what it was she ducked down even more, hiding herself as well as possible.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Buffy hated smart demons, they made her job so much more difficult. They had plans, they had traps and they didn't just come at you one at a time, and even if you surprised smart demons, it didn't mean you had the fight sewn up. The slayers and friends had caught the Khorshemish demons flat footed, but they kept hitting and falling back and always kept hold of Nicole. Every time it seemed like they had the Khorshemish chief cornered, he would use a secret escape route, or sacrifice minions with a ruthlessness that Spike would have admired. But finally the chief was the only demon left, and even though he had kept Nicole alive all this time no one thought he would hesitate to kill her in order to get away. The slayers and friends formed a perimeter around him, but he was still able to back towards the stairs by using Nicole as a shield. Realizing he had a good chance of getting away, the demon decided to taunt a bit, as is usual with demons and most wanna-be bad guys.

"So the mighty Slayer Prime is afraid of a little blood, that's ironic."

"I'm not afraid of blood" Buffy shot back waving around her gore covered sword "I've got no problem with blood and you're out of flunkies to distract me."

"Then attack me if you dare" and when she hesitated he laughed "you cannot, you aren't sure you can kill me before I kill this little thing. Your solicitude for underlings sickens me and is truly a sign of your whole race's weakness and as you have observed it is a weakness I will exploit to achieve my goals."

"So what are your goals, I mean aside from getting out of here with your cowardly butt intact. I mean think about it, you managed to get all of your followers and clan killed and the absolute most you'll have to show for it is the death of a junior slayer; so who's gonna follow someone with that kind of track record?" Then her voice dropped, becoming almost seductive "come on" she gestured "you know you want to, be the demon that took out Buffy Summers, even if you die one minute later, you'll be remembered forever. Think of the stories they'll tell about you and I'm standing right here in front of you; one on one, whatd'ya say?"

The demon hesitated a moment at the top of the stairs, then started backing down slowly "a very good try Slayer, but I think I'd rather escape now and do more damage to you later, beyond the damage your reputation will take when it is found out that you lost one of your precious followers."

"Lot of confidence there creepazoid" Xander shot at the demon "for all you know you're backing into a trap."

"A futile attempt Watcher, you see I know your full compliment of combatants and they're all right in front of me, you have no arrows left in your quiver."

"You hope"

The demon hesitated again, but didn't dare take his eyes off the Slayers and Watchers facing him. "I know" he said, continuing down.

"Assuming we didn't bring in reinforcements."

"No time my cyclopean friend, your bluff has run its course." He reached the bottom and smiled "and now it is time to bid you all farewell for now." 'Idiotic mortals, they would allow me to escape with the knowledge of who they are and how they fight as well as the fact that multiple taser hits will weaken slayers. It will be a simple matter to destroy them soon, after I rend this morsel' he thought as he looked down at the tasered girl he was using as a shield. He suddenly caught a blur of movement out of the corner of his eye, his first thought was that the Watcher hadn't been bluffing and he turned his head to assess the new threat. The head turn was perfectly timed for a blessed silver dagger to come crashing through his right eye and burying itself deep in the demon's brain. The last thing to go through his brain, other than the dagger of course was to wonder who had just killed him.

As the demon that had been holding Nicole crashed to the ground, the rest of the room was silent and unmoving, no one could believe what they had just seen. The tableau was broken by Nicole's screaming "Oh God, he pissed on me" followed by her frantic efforts to remove the defiled clothing. Seeing this, Willow darted forward removing her coat. "Here, it's a little long, so it should cover everything" she said handing her leather coat to Nicole, who had removed everything but her underwear.

Looking up, the young woman took the coat, dropped it and lunged into Willow's arms, thanking the red-head profusely in between attempts to figure out if Willow still had her tonsils. Even though she was a little weirded out by what had happened, Willow did remember what to do when a beautiful and scantily clad woman was kissing you. The two women broke apart for a moment (oxygen issues) and that seemed to be the signal to the others to start moving and talking again because they came rushing down the stairs babbling questions. Willow and Nicole silently stared at them, waiting for the noise to die down; it finally did, giving Xander a chance to hug both girls "I'm glad you're OK" he whispered to Nicole, then turning to Willow he said "nice shootin' there Tex."

"Yeah" Buffy echoed "that was amazing Will, how did you do that?"

"Come on guys" Willow said indignantly, looking at the still incredulous faces around her "I've been with slayers for over ten years, I'm bound to pick up a trick or two."

There was silence for a heartbeat or two, after that the room seemed to explode in laughter. When it died down the white hats made their way home with everyone wearing a smile.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Willow made it down to lunch the next day on some rather unsteady legs, a grin seemingly attached permanently to her face.

"I'm assuming that Nicole expressed her gratitude" Xander jabbed.

"I've been properly thanked for any service I might render till the next millennium" Willow said with a lascivious smile.

"Good for you" Xander said "you've been needing to get a bit unwound."

"So it doesn't bother you that I had a night of wild monkey sex with one of your precious slayers" Willow asked, jabbing right back. When she was answered with only silence she looked up to see Xander just standing there with his jaws slightly slack and a glazed look in his eyes "jerk" she said, hitting him in the arm.

"See, that's what I mean" Xander laughed while rubbing his arm "you get laid and you're still 'Miss Cranky Pants'. But to answer your question, Nicole is eighteen, so no it doesn't bother me; I've got better things to do then become the 'moral police'."

"Good to know" Willow said, then waiting till Xander had taken a drink of Orange Juice added "cause I'm gonna be thanking her tonight." Her timing was perfect, and she got the classic 'spit take' along with some juice coming out his nose 'score one for me' Willow thought.

"So what's all the noise about" Buffy asked, coming into the kitchen. Seeing the mess on the table she turned to her partner "Xander that's gross, didn't anyone ever tell you that it works better when the juice is in you, not on you?"

"This isn't my fault" Xander complained "Willow's talking about 'wild monkey sex' and defiling one of our slayers."

"Really, good for you Will."

"I thought so."

"So, Nicole and you tonight" Buffy asked, pouring herself a cup of coffee.

"That's the plan" Willow answered with a smug grin, then waited till Buffy had taken her first drink "unless you want to join us?"

It was 'spit take part II' in the kitchen. Buffy just stood there mouth moving but no words were coming out, Xander was laughing like a loon, and Willow just sat there with a smile on her face thinking 'man I'm good'.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

A few months later

"Hey Wills, ya got a second?"

"In about ten minutes Xander, I'm just finishing up this last batch of pendants."

"No problem, just meet me in the office."

"Sure" Willow replied, then went back to finishing up the healing charm on five of the pendants. They had been quite the hit all over, pulling slayers out of sticky situations and saving their lives. Willow had gotten several 'thank yous' from different slayers that were still alive because of what she was doing. She finished by adding the activation word and sat back, brushing a strand of hair back from her face. Only then did it register what Xander had said, he had told her to meet him in his office; that's when the fear hit because Xander would only talk to you in his office when it was a serious situation. Panicky, her thoughts were zooming all over the place trying to figure out what had happened that would merit an 'official talking too'. Try as she might Willow couldn't come up with anything, so it was with real apprehension that she headed down to Xander's basement office.

Tentatively she knocked on the door, immediately she heard "come in" from the inside. She opened the door as quietly as she could, then just skittered in and sat down before Xander even looked up. "You're doing it again."

"Doing what" Willow asked, her eyes shooting around the room.

"Trying to slip in quietly, hoping that being all quiet and mousy will make whatever's about to happen less bad" Xander said, looking at his best friend with a smile. "You haven't done that since Snyder."

"Huh, I guess I haven't. So what's up?"

"Well, I have some good news for you."

"What is it?"

"I found that girl you were looking for."

Willow froze for a second, what the heck was Xander talking about, but then she remembered her first day here and what she had asked Xander for. She meant to ask him how he was sure, where she had been and if she was back for good; but all that came out was "wha…ummm…huh".

"I said I found the girl, she was a little hard to track down but I had a friend or two helping out, between us we found her."

"So you and a couple of friends found this girl, I gotta say I'm impressed. I'd heard she'd gone too far underground to find."

"She'd done a good disappearing act, no lie there and things were a bit tricky, but mostly it was a matter luring her out into the open rather than searching for her."

"Interesting, so what did you lure her with?"

"Her old life, it was mostly reminding the girl of what used to be important to her and letting that kind of pull her to the surface."

Willow thought about it for a bit, reviewing all of Xander's rules, the directions he'd forced her in and suddenly it all made sense. "So that's why you insisted on me being research girl and not magic girl, that's how I started out. That also explains your wanting me to tutor the girls and movie night; oh, and the hacking. You were reminding me about my old life, what made me who I was."

"Yep"

"And you planned it all, the day I got here; didn't you?"

"Guilty as charged" Xander said with a smile, then he got serious "so now that we've found her, what's she gonna do now?"

"Well, she's got these friends that are part of this organization that fights evil and they're always looking for new members."

"Sounds like a plan, anywhere in particular she's fond of?"

Willow looked at the floor, suddenly nervous about what she was going to ask. Both Xander and Buffy had seemed to make their peace with her and their friendship had begun to grow again, but this would put all that on the line, and that was scary right now. "Well, she heard that Cleveland was kind of underrated as a place to live, and she'd thought it might be interesting to see if it's as cool as she'd heard."

"Ahhhh" Xander sighed "the mistake by the lake, it might be a bit cold if she's used to tropical weather, but they surely could use a first class Wicca like her."

Willow started to thank him then froze; did he really say what she thought "Wicca"?

"Sure, it'd be a heck of a waste not to use your magic; the Hellmouth can be kinda rough you know."

"You're OK with me doing magic now?"

"Sure, wouldn't have suggested it otherwise."

"And Buffy?"

"It was her idea; she figured you'd want to stay."

It took a second or two to process everything, but when it finally sank in that she'd be staying, Willow all but leapt across the desk and pulled Xander into a tight hug. "Thank you for trusting me" she whispered in his ear.

"You've earned it" he replied.

"I don't know if this is such a good idea Xander" Buffy said from the doorway, a smile on her face.

"What's not good about it?"

"Getting the Scooby Gang back together, I don't know if Cleveland is ready for something catastrophic like that" then she moved forward and joined the group hug.

"Screw em if they can't deal" Willow muttered and the growing laughter of her two friends told her that she was finally, truly, home.

THE END

A/N My brilliant intro that should have been in front of the last chapter got cut off somehow, so I guess I'll try and clear everything up now. I debated on creating a new story, but I decided to continue the old one because the two main characters were still so deeply involved. Obviously Willow is the focus of this chapter and the previous, hence the title "Mending Wills" (which is a play on the title of a Robert Frost Poem 'Mending Walls'; something I don't own the rights to). As I have stated previously, I thought the character of Willow became less mature as the series ran on, thus her descent, becoming an adult that completely indulged the Id. It has been my experience that someone like this can pull themselves out, but they have to want to do so, and they need help, so this fermented the idea of Willow running to her friends for help once she realized that she needed (and wanted) it. I thought about dealing in depth with Kennedy's reaction, but in the story I was interested in telling she ceased to be important once Willow left her. A bit callous perhaps, but that's life. Anyway, I want to thank everyone that's read my tale, and especially those that have taken the time to review it; your input is always appreciated (even if it's negative, after all; that is how one learns). Needless to say, I own nothing except an old car and an older Basset hound, so nothing to sue here. Again, thank you for your time and I hope you enjoyed the story

POE1911


	6. ENDS Night the First

ENDS

THERE HAD ONCE BEEN NIGHT THE FIRST

Movie night at Cleveland house was generally a pretty good time and it had promised to be special that night. It was just the three new slayers and the head Watcher, head Slayer and head Wicca; kind of a meet and greet sort of thing. It had started well enough as Beverly, Maria and Kuriko got to know each other and the folks in charge. Then the movies had started and everything changed. The movies that the young slayers had picked were subjected to a seemingly constant barrage of snark and criticism. It was enough to try the patience of Gandhi and none of the three young women were Gandhi.

"See, I told you" Xander hooted "I knew she'd end up with the best friend."

"How did you know that Einstein" Buffy asked.

"Her hair" Xander shot back.

"How could you tell from her hair" Willow wanted to know.

"It was frizzy, it's a rule that the girl in the background with the weird hair gets a new style and ends up with the leading guy's shy best friend; I think it's a law somewhere."

There was a blessed moment of silence, then "do you think it's a law that the obligatory jerky school administrator can only wear polyester" Buffy asked, looking at the God-awful suit the villain of the piece was wearing.

"Not sure Buff, that just might be accurate costuming, I mean do you remember how Snyder dressed?"

"True, he was a major fan of the synthetic fiber." A pause "so you're saying that if you run into anyone in a high school that's wearing polyester, that they're automatically jerks. That seems a little iffy to me."

"Sorry Will, but when movies agree with experience I gotta think 'commandment' or something close to that."

"That still seems a bit general" Willow answered "how about . . . . . ."

The strain had been building all night, and someone had finally reached their breaking point. Without actually realizing what she was doing, Beverly was on her feet "will you three give it a rest" she yelled "we've only been able to hear about one third of the damn movies because of your constant comments, arguments or discussion. Please, just shut up and save it for later." Once she stopped Beverly couldn't believe what she'd just done. She'd just chewed out three of the people she admired most in the world. They were now all looking at her, their gazes intense and she was beginning to feel like a bug under a microscope. Slowly smiles lit up their faces then they turned and looked at each other for a second of perfect yet silent communication "See, I told you it'd be her."

"I bow before the mighty Xander" Willow snarked, pulling out a five dollar bill.

"Of course you do" Xander replied smugly, taking Willow's money and also snaking a fiver from Buffy; then he turned to Beverly who was still standing "see me in my office, nine tomorrow morning". It wasn't a request.

All the young girl could do was nod, she felt like there was a nest of snakes in her belly and she found herself wishing she'd just kept her mouth shut.

There was silence for the rest of the movie.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Beverly was as nervous as she'd ever been, more nervous even then when she'd faced her first vampire one on one; because that was a picnic compared to facing Xander Harris alone. That she was nervous really didn't make sense, after all she was the super powered one, but the truth was she could barely walk; and the pitying looks she'd gotten from her sister slayers hadn't helped. She slowly made her was to his downstairs office passing a series of framed 8x10 pictures. They were all of smiling young girls, but she knew what else they were; fallen slayers. 'Just what I need' she thought 'something to make me even more nervous'. Idly she wondered if she'd end up on the wall as well. Finally she got to the door and knocked tentatively; she heard a faint "come in" and eased the door open and sat down as quickly and quietly as she could. He was looking at some files so she took the opportunity to study the head Watcher.

Back in Australia it had been easy to pass him off as someone who had survived by hiding in Buffy and Willow's shadows; someone who was just lucky. A right place right time kind of thing. But then you started to hear stories outside of the official Watcher version of what happened, stories about vengeance and bravery and sacrifice; and the figure behind them all was the one eyed watcher. She had even heard a story from her Watcher about how Xander had dealt with a gun toting vampire that had given her nightmares. Now, as she sat alone with him, she could sense the drive and intensity of the man behind the desk and she knew that all the stories she'd ever heard about him probably didn't even scratch the surface.

"So, you didn't like what we had to say?"

Beverly jumped as she realized that he was speaking to her. "No, not really" she managed to squeak out.

"Why not, that was some of our A material."

"It was rude, and even a bit cruel."

"So"

She gaped at him, stunned by his answer "so" she finally managed to echo "did you just say 'so' as though it was nothing."

"I did"

This caused further spluttering as Beverly tried to vocalize her outrage, but every time she was ready to start something else came to her but the delay forced her to think, and finally what came out was a question. "Why would you deliberately hurt our feelings?"

He smiled "do you know the only thing necessary for evil to flourish"?

"For good men to do nothing" she finished the quote.

"Exactly, and it takes a lot to stand up sometimes, especially if it means standing up to someone important or powerful or someone you look up to."

Beverly thought for a second "so last night was a test"?

"Yeah, a test that you passed; you see every group needs a leader, and we need to find these folks early on so we can fit in all the extra training. Standing up to us when we're being jerks is the best way we've found to pick out the potential leaders because you've got to have backbone if you're gonna be in charge."

"Leader, me?"

"Yep, sorry about that kiddo, but we need trained people to head up the teams at major hot spots, so you're about to get a whole crap-load of extra classes; that is if you want."

"What"

"Well it is your choice, if you don't want it just say so and we forget this conversation ever occurred."

"What kind of training are we talking about?"

"Weapons, tactics, strategy, that kind of thing."

"How to lead."

"Sorry, I can't teach you how to lead, that's the one thing you're gonna have to figure out on your own; I can give you some pointers, but that's it."

Beverly thought for a moment or two "do I have to make my mind up now?"

"By 6 PM at the latest, if I don't hear from you by then, well then I guess that's answer enough. See ya later kiddo."

Beverly got up and left the office, thoughts swirling through her head; 'could she lead, what if she screwed up and people died, what if she didn't do as well as they hoped, would anyone actually listen to me, why did I have to open my mouth in the first place'. As she stood outside Xander's office, she honestly had no idea if she'd accept his offer or not, but then she looked up. It was a composite picture of the girls that had willingly walked into the Hellmouth not expecting to come out. As soon as she saw it her decision was made. Turning she stuck her head back in the office and simply said "I'm in."

"Glad to hear it."

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

That conversation was a year and a half ago, and now Beverly was a leader in every sense of the word. She made out patrol schedules, she handled negotiations and she helped the new slayers fit in. It was quite a change from the gangly tomboy from Perth to the poised lead slayer on the Hellmouth (she didn't count Buffy because Buffy was kind of an administrator). In the time that she had been there she had gotten to know all of the people in charge, and even after eighteen months they still continued to amaze her. Buffy was the easiest for her to relate to because they were both slayers, they had a commonality in their destinies. But Buffy somehow managed to not let being a slayer define who she was, it was always a part of her, but only a part; it was a lesson she tried to instill in all the trainees that came through. Willow was harder to get than Buffy, but still there was the whole female thing and that helped. Beverly found Willow an interesting study in contrasts. On one hand she was exuberant and almost child-like in her emotions but then seemingly at the flick of a switch she became cold, unfeeling and as final as death itself. Beverly knew that there was some connection between these two Willow's, but so far she hadn't found it. As for Xander, she had never met someone who was as caring as the one-eyed ex-carpenter; but at the same time she knew that this fun loving, compassionate man could be as ruthless and relentless as any enemy she'd ever faced. Together the three formed an unshakable foundation that had supported and trained a lot of slayers, and by doing so had saved a lot of lives.

She was thinking about the necessity of that support when she heard a knock at the front door. Being the closest she checked the peephole; there were two women outside, both brunette and both beautiful. "Can I help you" she asked, opening the door.

"Yeah" the older one replied "we need to talk to X and B, are they in"?

"Who"

"She means Xander and Buffy, are they in" the younger one answered while flashing a council ID.

"Sure" Beverly answered, stepping aside but not giving a verbal invitation "just head back to the lounge and I'll let them know you're here." As they started off she asked "who should I tell them is here"?

"I'm Dawn, and this is Faith" the younger of the two answered. "Yeah, we're the second string" Faith chimed in.

Beverly felt cold, like there was a ball of ice in her gut, could they actually mean what she thought they did. She was aware of what the term "second string" meant, it meant that they were here to take over and that was something she found almost unbelievable. With feet almost as heavy as her heart, she went to find Xander and Buffy.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

"So, anything noteworthy on last night's patrol?"

"Not really; it was your typical two newbies and one senior, they dusted four vamps between them. Jennifer got one, Katya got one and Ingrid got two; the patrol plan was good and Ingrid didn't treat the newbies like idiots, unlike one of the senior slayers whose name I won't mention. Oh and Willow was so totally drooling over Jennifer, she was wearing these really tight jeans."

"Hey, I wasn't drooling, well not much anyway."

"Wills, the girl is 16, can you say jailbait?"

"Just cause I was window shopping doesn't mean I want to buy something."

"I know" Xander said "but be a bit more discreet in the future, you don't wanna start accidentally leading someone on, that never ends well."

"Alright, if I have to" Willow replied with mock reluctance; she'd seen what could happen when a young slayer mistook friendship for something more.

"Well, if there's nothing to add . . . . . . ." Xander started, only to be interrupted by Beverly flinging the door open.

"Sorry, but we've got a situation."

The three stood and immediately focused on the Australian slayer "two women just showed up; both brunette, one about your age and one a bit younger. They said that they were the 'second string'. I figure that means they're replacing you guys."

"Did they give their names?"

"Yeah, Faith and Dawn" then she turned to Buffy "isn't Dawn your sister's name?"

"Actually it's probably my sister, she's been with the Watchers since she graduated from Oxford" Buffy answered distractedly. Her attention was focused on her two friend's reactions. Xander had gone rigid, his eye unfocused; Buffy could almost hear the gears in his head spinning as he worked through all the variables in this scenario. Willow, on the other hand, was almost frantic.

As for herself, Buffy was pretty relaxed about the whole thing; although the idea of giving up what she had built for herself here rankled a bit, she trusted that Giles knew what he was doing. That and the fact that she also trusted the two women only added to her calm. Buffy had kept in touch with her sister and had known that Dawn was a Watcher but hadn't ever gotten an inkling that she'd be assigned to Cleveland, of course the subject hadn't come up in their calls and E-mails. As for Faith living here, well Buffy had made peace with the dark slayer a long time ago. True they'd never be best friends, but there was a healthy respect between the two. So Buffy was thinking that everything would work out OK, and she'd be away from the Hellmouth but still fighting the good fight; but when she looked around, she could see that Xander was still working things out in his head and that Willow was now completely freaking out.

"Just calm down Willow, it's not that bad."

"What do you mean 'it's not that bad' it is that bad, you two are leaving me, and your leaving me here with two people that hate me. I mean what if things go bad and I revert to 'Party in Rio' Willow or 'Scary Veiny' Willow; you guys won't be here to pull me back."

Buffy noted that her friend was near tears. It had always been confusing to her how Willow could go from being a confident mature woman who was supremely comfortable with who she was to a scared child seeking reassurance from people around her. Buffy had never been able to figure out what the trigger was, or how to shut it off; she figured Xander might know, but it was something they'd never talked about, now she wished they had. "Wills, just breathe OK" Buffy said to her nearly hysterical friend "stop and think for a moment; Giles knows you're here, do you honestly think he would have sent them here if he didn't think you all could work together?"

Willow shot her friend an uncertain glance but Buffy continued before she could say anything "I'm not saying you'll be best friends or anything but they won't be hostile or out to get you."

"You really think so?"

"Yeah, that's my sister after all, she can whine a bit but she's mostly OK and Faith's calmed down a lot since Sunnydale. Trust me, it's gonna work out fine."

"Promise"

"Absolutely"

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Dawn and Faith made their way back to a small room that was quiet and uncomfortable, or maybe it was what the two young women were thinking about that made it so uncomfortable. Dawn was nervous for several reasons; first and foremost was the fact that the Watcher she was replacing was already a legend in both Watcher circles and the supernatural community at large. The facts of their shared past simply multiplied the discomfort level by an order of magnitude. Then you had the 'Old Guard' Watchers, men and women who were the children and grandchildren of Watchers; people that thought she had been unfairly promoted and were just waiting for a stumble so they could pounce. Add them together with all the other factors and it left Dawn wondering if she could still back out.

Faith's fears were simpler but deeper. She had always felt like she was being compared to Buffy and she had hated it. Now she would literally be compared to the blond slayer; their losses, the quality of their trainees, their leadership abilities, their handling of the Hellmouth; all these would be directly compared and deep down Faith was afraid that she wouldn't measure up. "So you as shit scared about this as me Pip?"

Dawn looked up at Faith and thought for a second "I don't know cause I have no idea how scared you are; me I'm terrified."

"How come?"

"Well, I'm OK with Buffy and despite what I told Giles I never really got over what Willow did to me when she went all Dark Side but I think I can work with her. As for Xander . . . ." she faded out.

"What about the X-man?"

"Well aside from being intimidated about being compared to probably the best Watcher in the world, there's a story there that I don't really want to tell but you should know the truth. On my 14th birthday I was feeling all ugly and alone and he told me that if I wasn't taken by my 19th birthday that he'd marry me. Well after everything that's happened since then I kinda forgot about what he'd said, but he didn't; so when my birthday comes along Xander checks himself out of a hospital in Africa and flies up to Rome to propose."

"Cool so far, so what happened, B work him over or something?"

"No" Dawn sighed "I was drunk, called him a loser and laughed at him."

"That was harsh."

"Anyway, since that day I rarely see him, most of our conversations are E-mails and stuff but when I do see him he's always polite and professional without a hint of friendship or . . . . . . it just isn't Xander if you know what I mean, at least not the one I used to know."

"So, you afraid you shafted your friendship or that you broke him for good?"

"Both I guess, but more that he changed because of what I did; I mean I could live with Xander being cold to me if he was still Xander, you know." Dawn then straightened up and her tone changed "so enough about me, what has you so 'shit scared'?"

Before Faith could answer the door opened and Buffy, Xander, Willow and the slayer that had opened the front door walked in. There were hugs all around, and Dawn and Faith were introduced to Beverly but everyone could feel the tension in the room. Finally after everyone sat down Xander asked the question "so what's the sitch"?

"Uhhmm Giles wants Faith and me to take replace you and Buffy here while you two go back to England for a new assignment".

"Did he say what the assignment was and did he give a timeline for the switch"?

"No to both."

"Cool, I figure we do this in four weeks, the first two with me and Buffy in charge while you two observe, then the last two with you two in charge while Buffy and I observe. That way you'll have enough time to get a feel for the whole operation before you're in charge. What do you think?"

Dawn and Faith exchanged a quick glance "sounds like a plan to me X, that way we're eased in and don't have to figure things out the hard way."

"Great, so dinner in a bit with a minimal patrol tonight so you can meet most of the girls, then we'll really kick things in tomorrow."

With the business over, the Scoobies started swapping stories about what they'd been up to while Beverly just watched. As far as she was concerned the jury was still out on the two newbies, but she'd give em a chance."

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

One Week Later

It was late and Xander was working in his shop when he heard the door open, this wasn't unusual; Buffy would come out here when she couldn't sleep and just watch him. Sometimes they spoke but usually they didn't, every once in a while one of the other girls would show up when they needed someone to talk to, but it was usually Buffy that kept him company. So he was surprised when he looked up from the cabinet he was working on to see Faith sitting in the visitor's chair. His eyes lingered a moment, taking in her outfit of boxer shorts and a very out-gunned tank top; a look that was very different from Buffy's usual sweats or flannel pajamas "hey Faith, couldn't sleep"?

"Nah, couple things on my mind and I saw the light on out here, decided I'd visit."

"You wanna talk or you wanna just watch and think?"

"Actually I had a question for ya?"

"Fire away" Xander said as he went back to sanding part of the bookcase to be.

"What ya gonna do with this stuff when ya leave?"

"What my tools and everything?"

Faith just nodded.

"I hadn't thought about that, I guess I'd just have em sold and you all could put whatever you wanted in here."

"You mind just leaving em?"

"Not a problem; why though?"

"Cause I was wantin to use em." At Xander's questioning look she continued "when I was in the joint I got assigned to the wood shop. I met this chick who was a lifer and she kinda took me under her wing and helped me work through all the shit that went down in Sunny D. Anyway I kinda started liking working with wood, you couldn't do anything fancy there, but I really got a taste for it. So I'd kinda like to try it again if that's OK with you."

"Sure, it'll be nice to know they're still getting some use from someone that appreciates em." A peaceful quiet settled over the shop as Faith sat and thought about her past and Xander focused his attention on the side panel he was sanding. "So how are you and Will?"

Faith looked up, she had been expecting the question and yet it had still taken her by surprise "OK I guess, we talked some."

"What about, if you don't mind me asking?"

"What's been going on, our trips to the dark side, little of everything. Oh, she apologized for how she had treated me during my first run through Sunnydale" Faith sounded a bit surprised at this.

"Good, we've got a lot to apologize for."

"What d'ya mean?"

"Well when you first showed up we just accepted what you told us and left you to yourself, an underage girl living in a fleabag motel with no real support at all. None of us were able to pull ourselves out of our own little dramas long enough to even wonder how you were doing or if you needed anything. By the time we did notice the shit had already hit the fan." He looked her in the eyes "I'm sorry we weren't better friends Faith, you didn't deserve what happened to you."

"Hey, mistakes were made, and honestly most of em were mine. I never did apologize for how I treated ya then and that was wrong; you offered me your friendship and I didn't want to believe you. Sorry about that."

Xander held her gaze for a minute then nodded "no problem Faith, but don't let it happen again" he added with mock severity.

"Yes sir" Faith muttered, looking like a 5 year old that was being scolded, she held the pose for almost a minute before both she and Xander broke out in raucous laughter. When things had quieted down she asked "so what's up with you and B?"

Xander thought for a second "tough to say cause it's complicated, I guess the best way to put it is that we're best friends but no benefits."

"So you all aren't doin the nasty?"

"Nope"

"Why the hell not?"

"Cause it's all about focus, Faith. If Buffy and I were boinking each other's brains out we'd be focused on us and not on the girls or the situation here." He sighed "if you're in a serious relationship you can't devote yourself to this job the way you need to, it wouldn't be fair to the people that are counting on you."

"So you're a couple every way except physically?"

"I guess."

"Ya love her?"

"Of course."

"No, I mean are you in love with her?"

"I think so, I mean if I'm not I could be really easily."

"And how does B feel?"

"I don't know; I'd like to think she feels pretty much the same way. We talk all the time, she knows things about me that no one else does, we trust each other, confide in each other and we're always there for each other."

"And what does Red think of all this?"

"It's hard for her; see when we first met Buffy, Will and I were best friends and Buffy was kind of an add-on."

"What do you mean 'add-on'?"

"Well it's like an extra person in the friendship. See when it was me and Will, I'd think of her first and she'd think of me first, then we'd think of Buffy. It's like the friendship isn't as deep as with the other two."

"Cool, now I got it."

Xander continued "then after the fluke, which I think you remember, Buffy and Will were best friends and I was the add-on. Now it's me and Buff and Will is the add-on and she's having a hard time being kind of the third wheel."

"You afraid she might screw things up for the two of ya?"

"Nah, I trust her, I just think it hurts her."

"Yeah, I can see that."

"So you think she'll fit in with the two of you?"

"Yeah, she's changed a lot so me and Pip are giving her the benefit of a couple of doubts cause when the shit really hits the fan you need that kind of firepower on your side."

"Hey, that was logical and practical; I'd say there's hope for you yet."

Faith just grinned and flipped him 'the bird'; then after a moment or two "you know Baby D is scared as hell about being compared to you."

"Yeah, just like I know about a certain slayer that's scared of being compared to Buffy; I would do something about it if I could, but it just can't be helped. But think about this, you two might do better."

Faith thought about this for several minutes because honestly, that had never occurred to her; the notion that they might do better than Xander and Buffy, in both hers and Dawn's minds that had never seemed to be an option.

After several minutes more of comfortable silence, Xander finished up what he was doing and cleaned up for the night. As Faith got up, Xander put a hand on her shoulder "seriously, just for a second, you want some advice"?

"Sure X" Faith replied, surprised by the man's serious tone.

"Don't do stuff the same way we have. You two aren't us, so don't try to be. Do what you think is best and do it your way, not our way."

"Why not, I mean you all got a great system here."

"Yeah, but if everybody's trained the same way then we're predictable and we'll start losing girls we shouldn't. Train em your way, that way they stand a better chance of making it, promise me."

Faith reeled a bit at the intensity in Xander's one eye even as she acknowledged the truth of what he was saying. "Sure X, but I ain't throwing everything out, you old farts did get a couple of things right."

Xander froze for a second, just long enough for Faith to worry that she might have gone too far; then broke the silence of the night with his laughter. Faith thought it was a mighty fine sound.

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Two Weeks Later

It had been a bad night. Someone had made a judgment call and it had been the wrong one. One Watcher trainee was in the hospital in critical condition, one slayer was badly hurt and another was just plain hurt. Faith hadn't made the call, but she hadn't argued against it either so she was feeling responsible, upset, enraged and a few other things. She was hoping that talking to Xander would help so she was headed out to the workshop. Just as she was about to open the door she heard voices and stopped, it was B and she was in there with X. Actually from the sound of it she was crying, which surprised Faith, she couldn't remember if she had ever seen Buffy cry.

"How's William" Buffy sobbed out.

"The Docs say he'll be fine, his leg won't work perfectly anymore but he should have about 90 percent usage with physical therapy; Consuela should be out in four days or so and Jennifer can come home tomorrow."

"I tried to get there, I really did but that piece of crap I was fighting just wouldn't go down. I saw it coming and couldn't do anything but yell."

Faith knew what Buffy was talking about, she had also seen the re-enforcements coming, but had been too deeply involved in the fight to intercept them. All she could do was shout out a warning that had barely been heard and not really understood. In her head she knew that she'd done the only thing she could, but that didn't help much when people ended up in the Hospital because she couldn't act.

"It's not your fault Buffy" Xander said in a soothing voice "there was no sign that they'd been working with anyone else, we'd accounted for all of the beings we knew about; we were surprised, it happens. And it would have been worse if you and Faith hadn't acted as quickly as you both did."

"I know, but I just keep thinking there was something else I could have done; I don't know what but something."

"I know you do and that's what makes you so good at this, but sometimes the Bad Guys are luckier or smarter or whatever and we take some hits and as much as you might want to change that, you never will."

"Bad Guys suck."

"Right there with ya Buff."

"You're right about Faith too, at first I expected the old Faith to pop out at any minute, like she'd been acting or something; but she's really impressed me these last few weeks."

"Yeah she has; she's a hell of a slayer."

"You gonna be OK with leaving it to her and Dawn."

"Yep, I trust em both."

"Me too."

After a minute or two Faith heard Xander speak again "as much as I wouldn't mind holding you all night, you better find your sister and convince her that this wasn't her fault either."

"OK, you gonna do the same thing for Faith?"

"If you don't see her first, but I'm gonna work for a bit first; you know, try and get centered and focused."

"Sure Xander, sleep well."

"You too Buffy" Xander replied as Buffy left the workshop and headed back to the house.

Hearing her sister slayer coming, Faith quickly slipped around the corner so Buffy wouldn't see her. As Buffy walked back into the house Faith stood where she was for a moment totally lost in thought. She knew how much Xander cared, it was who he was after all; but the fact that Buffy was as upset as she was was quite a revelation. Faith had kept an image in her mind of how Buffy had been during the last days of Sunnydale and figured that's how she'd always be, kinda cold, nasty and un-emotional. To find out that Buffy cared as deeply as she obviously did shook some of Faith's fundamental beliefs and assumptions. But what was really rocking her world was the notion that both Buffy and Xander trusted her. And not with something minor, but with guarding the Hellmouth, training the slayers and taking care of Dawn, it was almost more than she could handle. That people who had every reason to doubt and mistrust her, didn't; was something that would take a while to accept.

Faith had decided to head back to the house when she was surprised by a voice "he's right you know, it's not your fault."

Faith whirled and dropped into a fighting stance but froze when she realized who it was. "Pretty damn stealthy there 'Down Under'."

"Thanks" Beverly replied "I guess all the training paid off."

"What kind of training?"

"All this extra Army stuff that Xander sent me to, it's supposed to make me a better slayer."

"Well ya got the quiet down good, and you rock in a fight; I don't know if there's much I could teach ya."

"There's lots, and I'll watch you and figure out how I can teach others and you got the younger girls to teach; so you're needed here, don't ever doubt that."

"I won't" Faith replied, surprised by the girl's sincerity.

"And don't doubt that Xander trusts you, we all do" Beverly added as she headed towards the house.

Faith watched the girl till she disappeared into the house; 'Trust', it was gonna be tough getting used to people trusting her. Then she smiled, but it was a sensation she was gonna enjoy.


	7. Night the Last

BUT THIS WAS NIGHT THE LAST

Xander should have been packing but he wasn't, he was thinking. He and Buffy were scheduled to fly to London first thing in the morning so they were doing the farewell party tonight which meant that he needed to get packed before the party because he was pretty sure he wouldn't be in any condition to pack afterwards. But instead he was staring at the object in his hand and thinking. He'd be the first to acknowledge that they weren't original thoughts but he'd like to think he'd grown up a bit since the last time he'd given them any serious consideration.

Xander closed his eye, unfortunately his thoughts kept leading him back to the same place, into a position he didn't want to be in. The position of being forced to take a leap of faith, something that at times worked well but usually ended with much badness. Xander was definitely a look before you leap kind of guy now, experience had taught him that, eight years of teaching high powered girls how to survive had taught him that. But in this case he couldn't look, so if he leapt it would be blind. He shook his head and set the object off to one side and tried to get back to packing but his eye always seemed to dart back to the object.

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Buffy was packing slowly for two reasons. Reason one was that she had quite a few clothes; true she would never be in the Cordelia Chase category, but she did have a lot. Reason two was that she was distracted. She didn't know why, or more accurately, she wasn't ready to admit to herself the reason she was taking her time. She was in the process of folding a blouse for the third time when the door to her room burst open.

"This is all you've gotten done, the seasons move faster than this Buffy."

Startled, Buffy glanced at the two intruders "I'm moving fast Dawn; I've just got a lot of stuff."

"Come on B, you were on shirts an hour ago when you threw us out. You said we were distracting you and now you're moving even slower." Faith turned to Dawn "pitch in little D, we're helping now."

"Why?"

"Cause I don't want to have to box all this crap up and ship it to her in England cause she was standing around with her thumb up her ass while she was supposed to be packing."

"I don't have my thumb up my ass" Buffy shot back at the smirking slayer.

"So what is it you're thinking about that's slowing you down Buffy?"

"I dunno; the future I guess."

"What about it?"

"Well I've been working at this for eight years, that's longer than I was in Sunnydale; what if I don't like what Giles wants me to do, what if I have to work with a bunch of jerks; what if . . . . . . ."

"What if you're not working with Xander any more" Dawn chimed in.

"Yeah, that too" Buffy said, blushing a little."

"Damn B, you really think Jeeves would break you two up?"

"I don't know and that's what's screwing me up; I mean I don't want to start something up with Xander only to have us split up a month later on some council whim."

"So you and Xander huh?"

"Yes me and Xander, come on Dawn we've been like best friends for eight years, we've worked closely together . . . . . . ."

"And you want to get on and ride him like Secretariat."

"Yes Faith, I do" Buffy said with a sigh "but I want to have a relationship with him, not just be a sex-buddy."

"Hell B, he's been your boyfriend for the last eight years, just without any of the perks."

"I know that, come on Faith, I'm not an idiot; but after all the shit I've put him through, I'm not sure he'll believe that I'm serious."

"Or that he'd be willing to risk everything on you again" Dawn added.

"Yeah" Buffy sighed again, looking away.

"That's what's really got you in a twist, isn't it B? Not that Jeeves will split you guys up but that you've finally found the right guy and you're afraid he'll say no cause of all the times you've shot him down."

Buffy just glared at the dark haired slayer for a second "I think I liked you better when you weren't so smart."

"Let me ask you something Buffy" Dawn said before Faith could reply "how far are you willing to go to convince him to give you another chance?"

Buffy thought about this, truthfully it was what had been occupying her thoughts for the last few days; 'how far was she willing to go'. She thought of all the times that Xander had saved her in either the literal sense or just emotionally, and the all too little thanks that she had given him. She remembered the things that he had told her when she was feeling down, things that she remembered word for word to this day. She even recalled a little speech he had given Dawn when neither of them knew she was around; 'extraordinary' was as good a word as any to describe Xander. So how could she now, after all those years, all those rejections, all those ego slaps that she had consciously or unconsciously delivered; how could she now tell him that her feelings had changed and have him believe her. What would she do to make him believe her; or maybe a better question was what wouldn't she do. Because she believed that having Xander in her life was essential, and if that meant quitting the council just to be with him, to go where he went, well that was something she was willing to do. This startled her, the realization of just how far she'd go to keep Xander in her life, the realization of just how important he was to her. She looked up at her sister and her friend and said "as far as I have to".

"Then you're gonna be OK" Dawn said with a smile "cause Xander can be stubborn, but he isn't stupid. He'll see what you're willing to do and he'll come around, and if he doesn't just call and we'll straighten him out."

"Now that you've got your love life figured out Blondie, can we get this crap packed" Faith asked with a smirk.

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It was a conversation she really didn't want to have, it was gonna stir up all kinds of buried feelings but Willow figured it would be better to get it out of the way before all of tonight's festivities. Steeling herself she knocked on the door and waited till she heard a faint "come in" to open it. "So, your packing all done?"

"Yeah, just sitting and thinking now."

"So, you gonna ask her" Willow asked, getting right to the point. She really hated this topic because it reminded her of all the times she had wanted to end up with this guy. She was mostly over it, gay after all, but the memories still stung.

Xander sighed "that's one of the things I'm thinking about."

"What's to think about" Willow wondered "you two are crazy about each other, everyone knows it."

"Nearly everyone" Xander shot back "lets say I ask and she says yes, yahoo, go us; but then we get to England and Giles assigns her to Australia and me to Siberia."

"You know how unlikely that is?"

"Yeah, my head does; but my gut reminds me of how many times I've been Love's Butt-Monkey. It's like I pissed off Cupid somewhere along the line and now he uses my love life as some kind of living illustration of Murphy's Law."

Willow didn't really have a rebuttal to that, after all Xander's dating history was legendary for all the wrong reasons; so she tried a new tack. "But I told you what she said, it's a sure thing."

"Yeah and I thought asking Dawn to marry me was a sure thing or at least a chance to not be horribly humiliated, and look how that turned out."

"True, and speaking of Dawn, why didn't you stay and ask her the next day, you know she would have said 'yes'?"

"I know and we probably would have been happy, but I would have always wondered."

"Wondered what?"

"If what she said the first time was the way she really felt and she was marrying me out of pity or to spite Buffy or for some other reason. It wouldn't be fair to either of us to go into a marriage with that kind of doubt."

Willow looked at him, and exasperated expression on her face "why do you always do that?"

"Do what?"

"Think the worst about yourself, put yourself down; it's like you never think you're good enough."

"Do you really want me to answer that?"

"Of course."

"Think about it for a second Willow; think about what I grew up with, how my parents treated me, heck how all adults seemed to treat me. Remember when your parents tried to bribe you into staying away from me?"

Reluctantly Willow nodded

"Every day at school with Cordy and her sheep telling me how worthless I was and then the rest of the students would follow suit. If it wasn't for you and Jesse I don't know how I would have made it out of there sane; but I did. But then I had to deal with my friends telling me they didn't want and didn't need me, wanting me to stay 'fray-adjacent', like it was their decision and not mine. So to answer your question, I'm just saying what I was told the first twenty years of my life. Your folks are shrinks, isn't there something out there that talks about how you were raised determines the way you see yourself?"

Willow reluctantly nodded; her eyes wide with both shock and guilt.

Xander saw the guilt and took his friend into his arms "it wasn't your fault, at least not mostly, and I've pretty much got the self esteem issues dealt with; Africa helped a lot with that. There I was just known as that 'crazy one-eyed American' and I was able to show myself what I could do."

"I'm still sorry" she pause for a second, just enjoying the feeling of being held by her best friend when another thought struck her "so other than Buffy, what were you thinking about?"

"Huh"

"Well you said that she was one of the things, so what else was there?"

"I was just wondering; you know, not to sound to cliché but what if this is as good as my life gets. What we've done here, what I've done here; what if the rest of my life is just some long downhill run from this. I don't wanna look back and see that the high point of my life occurred before I was thirty and I basically hadn't done Jack since then."

"It's just one cheery thought after another with you isn't it?"

"Willow, not helping" Xander said, but Willow could also hear the playfulness in his voice.

Taking his concern seriously for a second, she thought and said "that's not gonna happen Xander."

"How can you be so sure?"

Because I know you, ya big dummy. Let me tell you something Xander; ninety percent of the people in this world are simply inert, they exist and that's about it. You've got one percent that are saints and one percent that are jerks; the other eight percent are simply people that do what they say they'll do. You're in that eight percent, heck you wouldn't know how not to be in it; so one way or another you'll always be making a difference. And if in the rest of your life you only accomplish half of what you have in the last eight years then you'll still have had one hell of a life."

Xander sat there, holding Willow in his arms and really thinking about what she'd said. "Thank you" he finally said "thank you for believing in me like that."

"Hey" Willow replied, her voice muffled from talking into his chest "it's part of the whole 'best friend' deal; you've done the same thing for me."

Xander felt something and pulled her face away just a little and saw tears there "then why so sad?"

"Cause I'm gonna miss you ya big doofus. I've got two best friends and they're both leaving tomorrow."

"It doesn't have to be that way, you know?"

"What doesn't?"

"Well I don't know about the 'best' part but there's gonna be two people here that are really worth the effort to be friends with."

"You really think the three of us could work out?"

"Yeah I do; but if the fertilizer hits the windmill, then your two best friends are only gonna be a phone call away."

Willow hugged Xander back, burying her face into his chest once again "I really love you, you know that?"

"Right back at ya Wills."

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It was a happy little ceremony where the laughs were plenty, the speeches were short and the food was excellent. They had rented out the back room of a local restaurant for their shindig, early on the stories had bounced around with all of the slayers seeing how much they could embarrass Xander and Buffy with tales of mangled English, funny reactions to being startled and wardrobe malfunctions. Unfortunately for the slayers, the Scoobies were able to give as good as they got and in the end everyone had enjoyed themselves. Gag gifts from the Cleveland slayers and support people were showered on both Xander and Buffy who appreciated the effort and the creativeness, although they both thought the chocolate covered bugs were a bit much. Then Xander gave a short speech thanking everyone. Buffy, surprisingly, gave an emotion laden thank you to everyone and ended with a reading of the names of the slayers and watchers who had died during their watch, and their families. When pretty much everything had been said and done, Beverly stood up "can I have everyone's attention for a second. I know we're all practically in food comas, but there's one more thing from all of us. We wanted to find a way to thank you both for all that you've done and all that you've given us so we had these made."

With that Jennifer opened up a large flat case, much like a guitar case, and turned it towards Xander and Buffy. They both gasped at what was inside. They were weapons, a sword and an axe; both black with silver designs on the flats of the blades. Both exhibited the obvious craftsmanship of an expert weapon maker, both were obviously as deadly as they were beautiful. "The sword is for Buffy and the axe is Xander's" Beverly announced unnecessarily as they each had already instinctively picked up the weapon meant for them.

"We might have some trouble with security because of these" Xander joked but the gratitude was clear in his eye. Buffy didn't say anything publicly, but she personally thanked everyone that was there. And so the celebration ended with tears and love and sharp, lethal objects; it was a group of slayers after all.

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Xander was up early the next morning. He told himself that it was so he'd have time to answer any last minute questions that Dawn had, but the truth was he was getting ready to do something he had done too much of in the past. He was getting ready to ignore what his rational mind told him and follow his gut. Keeping the time he had force Deadboy to take him down to the Master's cave in the front of his mind, he picked up the box and headed for Buffy's room.

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"Of course I'm gonna miss you imp, how many sisters do you think I have?"

"I know it's silly, but I'm really getting used to having you around again, and now you're leaving."

"I know" Buffy said, looking at both Dawn and Faith "it's been great catching up with both of you, so I promise to be around as often as Giles lets me. And if you really need to talk, you've got the number" she finished, holding up her satellite phone.

"I can't believe you get one of those and we don't, that's totally not fair."

"You got that right D, but remember; her watcher is the one OK'ing the purchase order."

"Watcher's pet" Dawn said, sticking her tongue out at Buffy.

Buffy laughed and for a minute it was just like it had been back before their mother had died, and her heart almost broke at the thought. She moved forward and hugged her sister "you'll be fine, trust Faith and Willow and the girls, but mostly trust yourself; promise."

"I promise" Dawn said, returning the hug.

Buffy moved on to Faith "you've gotta carry the banner for the 'chosen two' now, you up for it?"

"Sure thing B, I'll let these wanna-be slayers know what being a real slayer's all about."

"Absolutely, just make sure you don't take em to a strip club after slaying."

Faith pouted "why the hell not, it's a good way to work off the H&H."

"Yeah" Buffy said, sarcasm thick in her voice "I can see it on the nightly news, a pack of teen-age girls attack male strippers in Cleveland, film at 11."

"OK, OK; I'll control myself, I promise."

"I know you will Faith" Buffy said with a chuckle; she then darted forward and hugged the brunette slayer. She did this for several reasons, but mostly because she knew how uncomfortable it made the younger woman.

Buffy then moved until she was facing one of her oldest friends. That hadn't been true when Willow had first arrived, but in the time she'd been in Cleveland they had rebuilt their friendship until it was as strong as it had ever been. The two women looked into each other's eyes and in a matter of seconds they held a conversation without sound; saying goodbye, pledging their friendship and promising to keep in touch. "I'll take care of him, I promise" Buffy finally spoke.

"I know you will, and he'll take care of you."

"I know"

Leaning in, Willow whispered "be happy Buffy, no-one deserves it more."

"Love you Willow."

"Right back at you missy" Willow shot back hugging her friend.

Unfortunately further conversation was interrupted by a knock at the door. Before anyone could respond, Xander opened it a bit and half-stepped in. "Sorry to interrupt but I found some stuff in my room that I think belongs to you Buffy". He handed her a shoe box and then looked at her.

Buffy opened the shoe box and looked in, one of her scrunchies was there along with a pen that Dawn had given her two Christmases ago; there really wasn't much else of note. Just some socks and a beat up jewelry box. Wait a minute, a jewelry box, she didn't remember owning a jewelry box like this one, it looked like it had been through the mill, in fact the only box that she remembered looking like this was the one . . . . . . . Buffy froze, remembering a night at a café in Rome. She looked up at Xander, now she knew what was in the box and the look in his eye confirmed that he was asking her what she thought he was. She blushed lightly, Xander had just proposed in front of some very smart and observant people and not one of them had any idea about what was going on. It was a very Xander thing to do. Taking a deep breath she thought about her answer but in truth she didn't think long, after all it wasn't a difficult question. "Yep, everything in here belongs to me, thanks Xander" Buffy smiled a little as he let his breath out and his body sagged slightly in relief.

"No problem Buff, I just didn't want that stuff to end up in the wrong hands" then he looked at his watch "we really need to get going guys, it's getting kinda late." Xander backed out of the room, smile still on his face; she had said 'Yes', he didn't think he'd stop smiling for at least a month.

For her part, Buffy stashed the stuff in her carry-on bag, leaving the ring right on top, she looked forward to putting it on once they were in the air.

THE END

A/N This really is the end, honestly I was surprised that the story ended up where it did. I had started out just wanting to do a little study about Xander and it just grew. The titles of the last two chapters are from the poem 'Ends' by Robert Frost; something that I don't own the right's to, mores the pity. Neither do I own the rights to Buffy, which is the providence of Joss and all the parasitic suits that live off his creativity. I'd like to thank everyone that took the time to read and review the story, your feedback means a lot to me.

POE1911


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